29th Nov 2022 AMPstigator Season Three Episode 43: Don't Fit The Mold
With Guest Aleece McKnight, Esq.
[00:00:00] < Intro >
Lauren: This is AMPstigator. A podcast founded on purpose but focused on the path to get there. Experience is the best teacher, and in this season of AMPstigator, we're going all in on female perspective of women and wisdom. As we answer one specific question - What's the lesson here? You'll hear from my best girlfriends and favorite female collaborators, as we share deeply about what we're here to learn and teach as we guide other women to purpose.
[00:00:36] < Music >
Welcome back to AMPstigator. Right now you're listening to Episode 43, and, man, today you are in for such a treat. Now I titled this episode - Don't Fit the Mold. Consider it a call to action, or maybe a call to inaction, really, depending on where you are on your personal journey. Because that's the lesson you're about to learn. It's going to empower you and encourage you to break out of whatever structures don't seem to fit for you right now, even if those structures are self-imposed.
Today, you're going to meet Aleece McKnight. She's an attorney. She's actually my trademark attorney. In the episode, I share with you how I found her. It's a clip on Instagram, too, by the way, so you can follow AMPstigator there, and you can see Aleece in action.
But when you listen to this episode, you're going to feel what it feels like to step out in faith. Aleece quit her law firm job in 2019, nobody supported her with that decision. They were afraid that she'd made the wrong choice. I mean, I get it.
But even after she started her own firm people, in her circle, were still sending her job postings for other firms. So she had to come to terms with the fact that she felt called to be a disrupter. She wanted to disrupt what it looks like to be an attorney, or to be a business owner, and that that might be triggering for people. They may not understand it, they may be afraid, but she didn't need to take that on.
Aleece brought a lot of lessons in this episode. And one of my favorite things that she says is something that I've actually printed out, I've put up everywhere I possibly can. Because every time I read it, I'm like, "Golly, that's good." She said, "In order to become, I have to let things be." Isn't that powerful? And she was talking about the vision she has for her life and the realization that she cannot rush it.
When you see your future, you don't have to stress or overwork yourself to get there. You know that vision is on the way, you're supposed to just trust it, you're supposed to let things be. The real work is in allowing them to come at just the right time. "In order to become, I have to let things be."
So I absolutely love when people are honest about where they're struggling, and Aleece goes into that today. I think you're really going to see yourself in this episode because I know I certainly did. So who's ready, huh? This is Aleece McKnight, with the lesson Don't Fit The Mold.
Help me understand how you got to this place of being an entrepreneur, helping women doing their thing. Because you didn't start there, so tell me the journey.
Aleece: It wasn't a journey I planned, it completely caught me by surprise. So when I passed the bar and I decided to go into practice, I did what everybody thought a lawyer would do. You go work for a firm you do criminal law, you do family law, civil litigation, all of those things. But I did not find that place of waking up and feeling happy and at peace with what I was doing.
Lauren: Were you dreading it?
Aleece: Absolutely. But I just stuck with it because I was fitting into this mold of what an attorney looked like. Because that's all I knew growing up, I didn't see examples of an attorney. I didn't know an attorney. So all I saw was what I saw on TV, which was there in the courtroom, doing criminal law and things like that.
So I stuck within that mold, and just over the years, I've also done bankruptcy. I've done personal injuries. I've been in a lot of different areas of law, and I did not find that place where I woke up and felt like I was in my purpose. And it got to the point, honestly, where I started to question if-
Lauren: Did you even do it right?
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Should I be an attorney?
Aleece: Yes, did I waste all of my life to be an attorney? Did I work so hard to-?
Lauren: Did you spend all that money?
Aleece: Yes, and I'm like, "Okay, non-traditional legal careers, I remember them talking about that in law school." And, so, that's where my mind started to go. And I got to a place where I quit my job in 2019, no plan, no idea what I was going to do.
Lauren: How many years have you been an attorney, at that point?
Aleece: Seven.
Lauren: Wow.
Aleece: And I quit my job and I said, "I don't know what I'm going to do. But I got some money saved up and I'm going to take some time to figure it out." Because I could no longer get up and go to a place where I was so unhappy in so many different ways.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: And I got back to the place where I remembered what I enjoyed most in law school, and that was intellectual property and business law. I took a lot of entertainment law classes.
So that's how I was introduced to intellectual property. And when I first graduated and passed the bar I did that freelance. During the time I was clerking for a judge, and I was afraid to do entrepreneurship. And I've never known anything about being an entrepreneur, it wasn't something that I saw.
Lauren: Right, that's what I'm going to say. If you don't see it how do you know that that's an option available to you?
Aleece: Yes, and I only wanted to practice law. So owning a business was never a thought that crossed my mind. And, so, I started to process and think, "Well, maybe I can find a job that does, where I can do intellectual property." And I did apply for a couple of jobs. I didn't do a massive job search because that's a lot, that's just so stressful.
And I ended up meeting my current mentor, one of my current mentors, and she started her law firm, and we are in the same space. And she talked to me, she did some mentoring, and she did some encouraging.
She pushed me to just rely on my faith and encouraged me, or told me. That in order for me to really find my place of happiness, and do what I love to do every day is to create my own lane. And, so, that's how I started my law firm. And I now get to serve the clients that I choose to serve, how I want to serve them and help them protect their intellectual property.
Lauren: I want to dig into overcoming fear to do that because you had to overcome a lot to do that. Number one, you didn't see an example of it until you had this woman in your life. Of actually building the practice that you were even thinking about building. But you also had to make the choice to take the leap. Did it feel like the obvious answer or were you really reluctant to do it?
Aleece: Really reluctant. Even after I launched I was still reluctant. I posted on my Facebook page that, "Hey, I launched this firm." But I wasn't working in my business.
Lauren: Were you like, "But I'm afraid."
Aleece: Yes, I wasn't doing anything to bring in clients. I didn't really know what to do. My mentor gave me some tools and things. But you know what, that was high-level and not really like that one-on-one, "This is what you have to do." So I was still reluctant. And it took me maybe when the pandemic hit.
Lauren: Really?
Aleece: It took a while. Maybe right before the pandemic hit because the pandemic really hit March of 2020. So maybe around February of 2020, which was about four months after I officially launched. Did I really start to say, "Okay, you're doing this, this is your thing, figure it out, and let's get to work?"
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: And I didn't have a lot of encouragement, honestly, and just to be really transparent. I didn't have a lot of encouragement to say, "Okay, you quit your job, you're going to be an entrepreneur, I support you, let's do it."
It was a lot of, "Are you sure you don't want to go for another job?" I've even had people sending job postings because they weren’t encouraging the whole entrepreneur thing. Because for a lot of my family members and such, entrepreneurship is foreign.
All we saw was you get up, you go to work, and you work for all of these years, and then you retire. So the thought of, "You're quitting your job and you're going to start a business, what does that look like?"
Lauren: Yes, and there's insecurity there, you can't be assured of success in that. Collecting a paycheck, "Well, now I know I'm going to get paid every two weeks. The money hits my account this day. I can rest in that. There's peace in that, there's no question about how I'm going to do. No, it's scary and you had to step out in that.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: I have felt that even in my own journey, there are people in my life. I'm just going to keep this really vague, who I mean, I would give anything for their support in this. To me an AMPstigator, this is purpose for me. I was called to start this project. I was called to have these conversations, and I know that.
And, so, in my heart, I'm like, "I don't need anyone's validation. But, damn, it would be nice to have just a little support of someone who would say, 'I believe in you, and I'll do anything you need me to do to help. What do you need me to do to help make this possible for you?'" The truth is, I don't need anything but, wow, support would be nice. Did you ever feel that?
Aleece: Yes, entrepreneurship is hard. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, and it takes a lot of learning. It takes adjustment, it takes getting over fear. It takes you out of your comfort zone because you are in a space of uncertainty all the time.
Lauren: Oh, so much uncertainty.
Aleece: And every now and again, I would just love for somebody to say and genuinely mean it, "I'm proud of you. I support you. This thing is going to blow your mind." Just some words of encouragement and affirmation because most days I need to hear it the most. I'm not asking you to understand it. And, oftentimes, well, I'm not going to say oftentimes, never am I asking you to fund it. I'm just asking you to verbally support me and just stick beside me in it.
And, so, that's so needed for me because I'm still, although this is year three, it's still unknown waters for me. And I'm still swimming the tides and it's still hard. Every day you're learning something new. Every day, there's always something.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: And just a little bit of encouragement or support, I get it. But sometimes I'm just like, "I need a lot more."
Lauren: I feel like you and I have had a similar experience of that because I don't need anyone else. I'm very driven. I can do things on my own, and you are that same type A. Because I mean you are an attorney so there's precision there. Things do have to be perfect, they do. So it's not just like, "Oh, I would really like it if things would be perfect." No, they have to be right or you're exposing yourself to some real problems.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: And you can handle that. But wouldn't it be nice to have someone just tap you on the back, "I'm here for you." Or coach, "Good game, let's keep going. High-five."
Aleece: Thank you.
Lauren: We need to be that for each other, Aleece, I'm here for you, you're doing a good-
Aleece: I'm just going to text you an emoji, it's going to be a high-five.
Lauren: Be like, "High-five, girl." Do you know how I found you? Have I ever told you how I found you?
Aleece: A Google search is what you said.
Lauren: Well, this was my experience. I googled I'm like... because it was my dad who said to me, "I'd created a word. AMPstigator is a word that did not exist. I did a Google search and I got zero search results.
And I was like, "Google doesn't even have any suggested corrections to this word I've just created. And I was like, "Oh." And I had said that to my parents and my dad was like, "You need to get a trademark attorney." And I was like, "Oh."
Then the initial was, "How the heck am I going to pay for that?" But then more of it came, it came. Anyway, so I do a Google search and I'm like "Trademark attorney Nashville." And I'm scrolling and I'm like - White dude, White dude, White dude.
And then I saw you and I was like, "Her, she's for me." And literally, that was the experience. And I just contacted you and I'm like, "I need your help." And then I called you even after I had set my time for like, "This was going to be our time, we're going to start working through my trademark process." And then I called you and I'm like, "I'm losing sleep, we need to start this process."
You were like, "Okay, we'll just start it even sooner." I mean, I'm just so grateful to you. I feel like part of why I need to do this is to highlight people living on purpose. And no matter how scary it is for what you're doing, you're still operating on that plane, and it is unknown. Anytime we choose to be heart-centered or soul-lead, you're stepping into the unknown.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: There's nothing, yes, there's some analytical nature to it because you are running a business. There are checks and balances that have to go. But the process to step out, that's from here. And, so, anytime I see another woman operating from here, I'm like "Her."
Aleece: That's one of the things I say on my website, about having crazy faith. And that's exactly what I lean on every day, to get through this process, and you do it scared. Because if you never do it, you'll always wonder. And one of the things that I'm so big on is being accessible. And it's great that you mentioned your Google search, you saw the same type of person.
Lauren: I was like White dude.
Aleece: Right, and I'm like, "No, women can do that, too." There are women attorneys who can operate in this space, although our percentages are less. But there are women attorneys who can operate in this space. And there are Black women attorneys who can operate in this space as well.
So one of the biggest things, for me, it's just being accessible to creatives because it's hard to find attorneys. It's hard to trust attorneys. And, oftentimes, you only think you need an attorney when something goes wrong. And, so, I just want to be that attorney that says, "Let's be proactive so that you don't have to be reactive." I'm really big on protecting the intellectual property of creatives.
Because there are so many times you lose it, somebody [Inaudible 00:14:30] to take advantage of it. And although this is a scary space for me, I know that it's also a scary space for my clients. To make the investment or take the step to even hire an attorney, and I just want to be able to put my fear aside and just operate in faith.
Lauren: Tell me like what are the typical ages of the people that end up coming to you, and then are they starting something, creating something, and is that how they find you?
Aleece: Mh-hmm, so the average age range is somewhere between, I would say 30 and 40. If I can give an average is, literally, right in the middle. So a lot of these individuals are my peers, to be honest, and a lot of my clients are already in the midst of what they're doing. So I don't get a lot of clients that are in the very beginning, sometimes I do.
Now I think it's becoming an equal balance because I think the message of protecting your brand from the beginning is ringing a lot more bells. But a lot of my clients starting out, they were already in their business. And I've even had to say, "You might have to do a little rebrand."
We might have to do something a little different, and that's one of the things that I don't like. I don't like having those conversations, which is why I pushed the proactive narrative versus the reactive. But my clients, they find me on Instagram.
Lauren: Oh, really?
Aleece: Yes, I don't know anything about the algorithm. I don't know anything about marketing. But they're finding me and I also get a lot of referrals from my clients and colleagues, I have other attorney colleagues who refer individuals to me. So I don't really know anything about marketing. I don't know what it's doing. But they're coming, and I think that I have to just stay visible. I'm not the best with social media.
Lauren: Who cares, girl?
Aleece: I'm not great like you on social media, your emails are amazing.
Lauren: Thank you.
Aleece: I read them because they're engaging and it makes me want to read them. And I'm like, "Okay, let me listen to this episode."
[00:16:37] < Music >
Lauren: Okay, I got to take a break right here and capitalize on this perfect opportunity. I got to tell you about my emails. If you're not already signed up you don't know, so let me tell you. I give you a lot of stuff in those emails.
I tell you the backstory of a guest. I'll share what makes them special. I'll often share extra clickable worksheets, too, and things that really are going to help you with the subject matter from the episode.
I see those emails as a way for me to speak directly to you, So I love that. I write the emails, I edit the episodes, personally. I say what goes out on social media, I respond to those DMS, so hit me up.
Just shoot me a note straight to me, to my email address, is [email protected]. Just say, "Hey, sign me up, girl, I want to get your email." And I'll get you in the system, super easy. Okay, back to the episode.
I do feel like your marketing is spot on. I remember when I was reading your website, the first time, and reading through your emails. I was like, "She is speaking to me." That's Marketing 101, you know who you're speaking to. You're speaking to me. She is who I need because you knew exactly what I need. I'm a creative. I'm creating something that needs to be protected.
So your marketing and branding was on point from that regard. I think, too, if I am an entrepreneur stepping out into the unknown, do I really want to go to someone who feels like they are almighty and they know more than me? No, I don't want to go to someone like that. I don't know if I can trust them.
Aleece: Mh-hmm.
Lauren: And do they even really understand what I'm going through? When you're in the unknown, you want someone to understand and walk the path with you.
Aleece: Yes, and that is one reason why I say, starting my own law firm gives me the ability to practice law and serve my clients the way that I know they've been served. Because I've been the attorney in bigger law firms where the clients very seldom matter, they didn't matter.
Lauren: It's billable time.
Aleece: Yes, and you have such a large volume that you, honestly, did not have the time to give that care and attention. And it's so funny, 2020 I had a young lady reach out to me, and that was one of the things that she said. She said she was so nervous to work with an attorney. She gave me her perception of attorneys, and I was like, "That's the narrative I want to debunk." Because not all attorneys are like that.
And, so, that's one of the things I'm very passionate about with my firm, is making sure my clients know that I'm listening. I'm listening to understand, I care. It's really important for me to always understand my client's story. I have to understand what your brand means to you, understand your content, and why. It is not just for me to provide the services and fight for you because I do use that in the event that I need to.
But it's also because I want my clients to be heard, I want them to feel heard. I want them to feel like they matter. So my firm would never get to the point where it's a meal. Because I don't want my clients to ever come to my office and say, "I just feel like another dollar sign."
Lauren: Yes, well, and to me that's hallmarks of purpose. So like purpose is a service. Purpose isn't about you. Yes, it's your execution, it's you executing something in the world. But purpose in its entirety is a service to others.
And, so, that's why it is your purpose. It's so that you can go out and affect others, so you can change, so you can help, so you can serve. And, so, when I hear you say, "Well, I mean it's for these other people, it's to do this service."
Like "Of course it is." And of course it's your purpose to be able to help people in that way, and it's so crucial to be that person that holds the hand of others. Because you've gone through so many things, I mean, we all have, it's life.
Let's start talking about lessons here today. And I know like as you and I prepared for this, in the last few weeks. I consistently say to you, "You can plan whatever you want to plan for your lesson." But I want it to be authentic for you in this moment right now.
So let's get into your lesson. What is the lesson that you either consistently are learning over and over? Or is there something you're learning right now, in real time, that's just coming through for you today. That you're like, "This is what I need to talk about today?
Aleece: I don't have to fit into anyone else's mold. And I think that has been my biggest Achilles' heel is trying to fit into this mold of what everybody else sees of me or the vision that I want others to have of me. What they think I should be? How I should be doing things?
And, so, now I'm shifting into it's okay to be a disrupter, you don't have to fit into anybody's mold. You do what makes you happy, how it makes you happy, and whatever that looks like that's what you're supposed to do. Even in my personal life, everybody, when they say something to me, or when they reach out to me, or when they do give those words of confirmation, it's always, "You're strong."
"I see what you're doing, you do everything so perfectly." And all of that, and I'll never forget, I had a conversation with a friend, and I went to her to vent. And the first thing out of her mouth was, "You're strong, you got this."
And I was like, "But I don't want to be that superhero. I don't want to fit into that mold." I don't want you to say "I'm a strong woman so I can handle it." I don't want to handle it because I don't want to be strong. I don't want to fit into that strong woman cape.
And then in my professional career, the fitting into that mold of what an attorney looks like, I don't want to fit into that. I want to be a disrupter. I want to disrupt the legal industry on what that looks like. I want to disrupt what practicing law looks like. And, so, me just getting out of this season of being perfect and fitting into molds that was never created for me, and creating my own.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: One that truly fits me, my purpose, my passion, and just who I want to be and how I want to live.
Lauren: Yes, that really speaks to me because that has, to me, notes of identity. And this is for you and I both, like, yes, you went into law firms. I went into newsrooms, and there's a mold for a news anchor. And you're supposed to be this, you're supposed to look this way. Your hair needs to be this way, you need to talk this way, laugh this way, say these things. And you will have a job, you will make more money when you fit this mold.
And, so, you got to the point, you said it was after seven years, that you were like, "This mold isn't mine." And, so, you started to push that mold out a little bit and create your own stuff. And now you're doing it again, you're in your own lane, and you're doing it even more.
Is it like you're pouring yourself into it and going, "This mold still isn't quite right. I got to push it here. I got to push it there."
Aleece: Yes, that's exactly.
Lauren: Where are you pushing yourself to try to really expand there?
Aleece: Yes, and that's something that I'm still brainstorming.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: What does my next mold looks like? Because I do believe that a mold can change. You don't have to stay in the same mold forever. And, so, what does my next mold look like?
How do I see my firm?
How do I see my practice?
What do I see myself doing?
And one of the things that popped into my head is I want to speak more. I want to speak on stages more, I want to educate more. And, so, that goes beyond sitting behind my desk just practicing law, but doing so on a larger scale, being able to educate.
That's another, I guess, you could say pillar or value of my firm is education. Because we don't do, just in life in general, we don't do what we don't know we're supposed to do. And, so, education is really big for me. Even if you're not my client, I still want to make sure that you're educated on these things.
And, so, just the past couple of weeks I've been in that season of, "Okay, what does my mold look like? Where do I see myself disrupting next?" And just making sure it feels good, because even now, in three years of my firm, there are some changes that need to be made because it's no longer suited. What I thought or how I thought I wanted things in the beginning, is no longer what that vision looks like for me today.
And, so, I am definitely in a season of breaking that mold and this time I want to be very intentional with it. I want to take my time with it. I want to make sure that when I do step into this next season, it's a place that brings me peace.
Lauren: What isn't bringing you peace right now?
Aleece: It's this idea that I have of not just being perfect but doing it myself. And, so, that leads to me being overworked, overwhelmed, and I'm working way too much. And that's not the life I want, I could go back to work for these firms. And I want to be able to spend more time with family and friends, and not just always be tired and stressed out.
Lauren: I do.
Aleece: Yes, and I'm like, "I just want to be able to create something that allows me to do what I am passionate about doing professionally. But also what I enjoy doing in my personal life."
Lauren: Are you trying to figure out what to spin off and delegate? And what doesn't have to be perfect, so retain the things that you love that require perfection and then spin off-
Aleece: Yes, delegating is hard.
Lauren: Yes, it is.
Aleece: Because it's hard to find the right help, and people that you can trust. And that's been one of my obstacles is finding individuals that are with me for the long haul, that I can delegate things. So I had one great person but, unfortunately, they had to leave me. And, so, it's been a journey.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: But that's something that I'm really working hard on is delegating more, so that I can free up my time to do what I feel is my purpose and passion.
Lauren: I find it interesting that you're so focused on educating people. I perceive you as someone who educates women. Would I be right; your target is creative women? I'm sure you would work with anyone, right?
Aleece: Yes, I have clients of all genders but majority of my clients are women, yes.
Lauren: Yes, and where do you think women, maybe even entrepreneurs or business owners. Where do you think women are not being taken care of? Where do they need to be served in that space, that you feel you're ready to step into?
Aleece: Hmm, I think one of the things that I find common in a lot of my clients, especially women, is that we're just, naturally, hard workers. And we tend to try to do things ourselves. And, so, even when it comes to clients, working with me, it's getting them in a mindset of like, "I'm taking this off your plate."
Lauren: Oh, girl, take your own medicine.
Aleece: I know, it's crazy. I tell people, all the time, when I'm talking to people I'm really talking to myself majority of the time. And it's so funny because I can give people the message but I don't listen to it.
Lauren: What? I need to hold the mirror up right now.
Aleece: You do, and a big mirror. Let me reflect back to you. Sometimes just because you can do all of it, at least, it doesn't mean you need to be doing all of it.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: I mean, I would say, "Aren't we past that?" But I don't know that we're ever past, that is a journey. I'm on that journey, too. And I'm actively trying to find, "What do I not need to be doing?" And I find myself asking myself the question? "Does it matter if I do this and does it matter if it's perfect or not?"
Because that's where I mean, literally, you are speaking to me? Because this is the same thing I struggle with. "Does this matter if it's perfect?" If the answer is, yes, then I'm going to do it.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: But if it doesn't matter, or if it's okay, or it's not really going to change the experience of the person. Like getting this content, for example, okay, well, then I can spin that off to someone else, or I can just not do it.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Does it even have to be done? I've been giving myself a lot of permission on stuff that doesn't need to be done. So is that a question that maybe you should be asking yourself right now?
Aleece: It definitely is.
Lauren: Should I be counseling and coaching you right now, Aleece?
Aleece: Yes, because this is repeating what the conversation I had with my mentor last week, and that was one thing that she told me. She said, "Tell me what your current headaches are."
And, so, I told her and she said, "You know what, I'm going to give you a couple of pointers." And one of her pointers was, "You need to delegate more. Whatever does not literally require your hands, your experience, your knowledge to touch, take it off your plate, release it, let it go."
Lauren: Do you know the term zone of genius?
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Yes, this is-
Aleece: I feel like everything is probably my zone of genius, I have a problem. Because going back to what you said, just because I can-
Lauren: Because you're a genius.
Aleece: ...just because I can do it, I feel like I shouldn't sometimes. Now, there are some things that I won't try to do. The legal stuffs, the stuff in my law firm, yes, but everything else that has nothing to do with law, that's not my zone of genius.
So I'm very aware of those things I will delegate; I will find somebody, I will pay somebody. But when it comes to client work or the processing of doing the work for the clients, sometimes I get caught up in doing that myself.
Lauren: Is it because you care so much?
Aleece: I do.
Lauren: You like really want it to be good for a person.
Aleece: I do; client experience is really big for me. I don't want to go viral because somebody is talking about me on the internet. I don't want negative Google reviews.
Lauren: But it's hard. I feel like you are at a spot in your business where you are ready to grow, but you can't grow unless you allow yourself to grow.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Like, yes, you're not really a startup anymore, you've been doing this long enough. Let me coach you and counsel you for a minute, you've been doing this long enough girl. There are things that to go to the next level, in terms of being able to increase your capacity.
Or to be able to amp up the things that you love in your life like more time with family or more time with friends, you need to spin some stuff off.
Aleece: Yes, I think that may be another lesson I'm learning currently. Because that message has been what's been ranking in my head, literally, for the past three weeks. And, so, that's what I I've been working on, is getting to that place where I am internally, okay with delegating it, and trusting the people that I delegated to. Trusting the tools that I give them, trusting the trainings that I give them, and just giving them the opportunity to do it.
Lauren: And to do it right, and do it well.
Aleece: And to do it right because I don't like to micromanage. If I have to micromanage I might as well do it myself, that's my way of thinking.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: And, so, I guess you can say that, that is a current lesson that I'm learning. In order for me to become I have to let things be, meaning take it off of my plate.
Lauren: Mh-hmm, I like that.
Aleece: That's where I am right now because I do want that for myself, and I know that's the hardest thing for me to do. And, so, I'm really working internally to get to that place.
Lauren: I love that, "To allow myself to become I have to let things be." I like that, maybe that's the title of the episode.
Aleece: Oh, I like that, too, it kind of rings, now that you say it.
Lauren: Well, you said it. You said it and I was like, "Oh, that's really nice." I love that. And you're celebrating your birthday month right now.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Tell me how celebration plays into like... because I feel like people don't celebrate enough. We don't celebrate enough things. We don't celebrate when the day was really great or something is over. We celebrate birthdays, and holidays, but we don't celebrate things in our own lives that are either accomplishments, or endings, or beginnings.
Aleece: I don't celebrate myself, and that's why when it comes to my birthday month, I use that as an opportunity to do that.
I don't want to say my nickname, but I call the month of October Tutctober. It's a play on my nickname and the month of October. And I tell people, all the time, yes, I use the month to spend time with family and friends. Because we don't get to do it often throughout the year.
But I really use this month to celebrate myself because I don't celebrate myself enough. I don't celebrate even my small wins, I don't, and, so, I use this opportunity to do so. And sometimes it's hard because even when it's my birthday month, I still try to make sure everybody else around me is good.
They're having a good time and all of that. I don't really allow it, sometimes I do, but not often do I truly allow it to be all about me. Because while I'm celebrating myself, I want to celebrate the people that mean the most to me. So that's why my birthday month is a full month of activities, and just doing whatever I want to do. Because for the other 11 months, I don't pat myself on the back much.
Lauren: I know; do you feel like you have to fight?
Aleece: Fight, how?
Lauren: Here's the thing, I listen to your stories, and I just get this sense of someone who is always fighting to get. And I'm not saying as an achievement, but fighting like you see, so clearly, the vision you have for yourself, that you're like, "I have to get there." And, so, it's like this fight to get there and this doggedness of like, "I'm just going to keep going." That's how I mean it. Does that feel true for you?
Lauren: Yes, because I do have this vision of where I see the different areas of my life and, so, I do work towards those things. But that often comes at my own detriment because I'm trying to get there, and sometimes I try to get there fast. Versus just realizing that just because you have this vision, doesn't mean that it has to come to fruition now.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: It can take three years, it can take five years, but it's going to come. So you don't have to stress yourself out or overwork yourself in this season. To get to a place that you probably won't see until five years from now. And, so, now you've spent the last five years just pushing and going, and then you could have been living in your soft life for those five years.
Lauren: Yes, you know what it's interesting, because I feel like this is a mini lesson that I'm also learning in real time, the same thing. I have such a clear vision. I'm not kidding, I've got this vision of myself. Have I told you this? I've got this vision of myself in a tropical island. Did I tell you this?
Aleece: No.
Lauren: Okay, I've got a vision of myself on a tropical island. I don't know why, but for anyone who's listening, St. John is mountainous, it's in the Virgin Islands. It's mountainous, and it's mostly like 90 or 95% of this island is a nature conservancy, so it's undeveloped.
So there are a couple of places that are developed, and then there are houses, but it's mountainous. So you can be in this mountain, but looking down at the ocean and at the beautiful crystal blue water.
And, so, I have this vision of myself in St. John, sitting on a patio, on a mountain, looking down. But I'm in shorts and a tee because you're close to the equator, and I'm just typing on a laptop, typing away, and I see it so clearly. And all the things that that represents, for me, is just ease. It represents I can just go.
And, so, I struggle to say, "Wow, I'm working so hard to get to this place where I have this like I can just go." Because right now all I do is work. And, so, it's like this dichotomy of stopping working next to working too hard because I just feel that.
So I recognize that in you, striving so... I don't want to say striving because it almost has a negative connotation. But seeing so clearly the vision you have. Working so hard to get there and having to remind yourself to stop. You've already believe it, you've already spoke it, you already know it's coming. So just stop, it's coming to you.
Aleece: Yes, there's nothing I can do now that will get me to there any faster, if now is not the time. And, so, I just have to remember that. You don't want to rush into things because when you rush into things, it's not going to be what you thought it was going to be anyway.
Lauren: And it's not supposed to be of you. You're not supposed to force it into existence it's just supposed to just come.
Aleece: Yes, it supposed to come when the timing is right because maybe I'm not ready for it. And I have to tell myself that, too, just because you want something it doesn't mean you're ready for it. And it's funny because I told one of my girlfriends, actually I was at a conference earlier this week.
And it was one of my colleagues, and I told her, I said, "Oftentimes we pray for the increase, but are we really ready for it?" Because we can keep praying and keep asking for something. And it's just like, "Okay, well, fine, I'm just going to give it to you." And then it blows up because you weren't ready for it.
And, so, those messages are things that are consistently replaying in my head and say, "When the timing is right, when a season is perfect, it will be done."
Lauren: Mh-hmm.
Aleece: But it's hard when you're in the moment because you see it and you're just trying to get there. And I just really want to get to a place where I'm okay with knowing that I'm working towards it, and it may not come tomorrow.
Lauren: Yes, but then that's the other amazing thing that I'm starting to learn and embrace myself right now. Which is we think of time in this very linear way, we understand time. We wear our watches; we see it on our phone. For me I am so acutely aware of time, in newscasts, newscasts are to the second.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: So I'm very aware of time and we all are. But that's the thing, I think when you start being heart-centered, soul-lead you start having these visions of where your life is going, where you're heading. Time is no longer linear at that point.
Aleece: That's good.
Lauren: It's not linear, things can just pop in and drop in. Just because you think something's five years down the road, maybe it's not.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Maybe it's not. So I just love the message, right now, that you're pouring out. Which is let's just rest in whatever it is that we're calling in.
Aleece: Let's just rest in this.
Lauren: We're going to church.
Aleece: Yes, and I'm glad that we're having this conversation because I don't really talk about transparent things. So everybody else is going to be like "Oh, wow, this is what you've been thinking, this is what's been going on?" Because, again, they see me as this strong... "Aleece is strong, you always got it together, you always doing the darn thing."
Lauren: You're a business owner. A business owner, attorney, you're helping so many people protect themselves. I mean, we have this idea of the mold. We have this idea of what that looks like and what maybe your goals are, but your goals are different, Aleece.
Aleece: Yes, and I'm just loving getting to the place where I realize that a lot of my overwhelm and overworking is because of me. It's because of me.
Lauren: That's a rich vein because I feel like a lot of people can feel that. That's why I feel like the questions are so important when we feel overwhelmed. Because I feel overwhelmed and at points and I have to pull myself back and go, "Well, first of all, why?"
So instead of just basking in the overwhelm and playing a record player over in my mind. "Okay, why do I feel this way?" And then we go back to assessing the things that you're doing.
Aleece: Or not doing or not doing?
Lauren: Do the you need to do them?
Do they have to be done at all?
Does it have to be done in this certain way?
Does it really matter? That's a question I find myself asking a lot lately; does it really matter? Does it matter?
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Does this make a difference? Certainly, again, in your law it does matter.
Aleece: Oh, it's so stressful. It's like you're always on edge.
Lauren: Everything else probably doesn't matter, Aleece.
Aleece: Yes, it doesn't. That's why I enjoy my personal life. So when I get to be around good energy, good people, I get to have fun, I'm enjoying the moment. I very seldom have my phone out. People like to take pictures and videos while they're out. That's not me because I'm, literally, enjoying the moment. Because despite me being a professional and this attorney, I am a human and I love to have a good time.
Lauren: Is that how you recharge going out and being with people, and just connecting with people you love? Is that your recharge?
Aleece: Yes, even if it's not going out. Even if it's just having company or going over someone else's house, just being able to take my mind off of being an attorney.
Lauren: Yes, I know it's your real life, but sometimes does it feel like not real life?
Aleece: What, being an attorney?
Lauren: Yes, staring at papers all day, writing words, and practicing?
Aleece: Having my own firm doesn't seem like real life. I'm like, "Wait a minute, I really do have a law firm, is this real? Am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me?"
Lauren: Aleece McKnight, Esq.
Aleece: Yes, and my mom is so cute. Whenever she mails me anything, she addresses it as Aleece McKnight, Esq., and I love it. It is so precious?
Lauren: Well, I'm sure she's so freaking proud of you. Because you've done something no one else has done and your family.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: That takes heart, that takes courage, to step out even when people are like... And they're saying things to you because they love you and they don't want to see you get hurt. And, so, they're like, "Hey, are you sure you want to do that?" And you're like, "Yes, no, got it, this is what is going to happen. I don't know the outcome, but I'm feeling pretty good that this is what I'm supposed to do."
Aleece: This is what I'm supposed to do. And I think oftentimes, too, a lot of comments from not just family but friends, or concerns of these individuals. They're speaking because they don't know your truth. And, so, I've never talked to anybody about my experience of my legal career. The details of my legal career, like why I quit my job. And, so, for me, to just up and quit my job randomly.
Lauren: They're like, "Why?"
Aleece: I expected them to be like, "Wait a minute, what's happening? Why? What's going on?" Because they don't know the reason why.
And, so, I wasn't shocked by family, friends, just like, "Are you sure?" Because even with friends, they're like, "You're going to quit a job without having a backup? Who does that? And I was like, "Well, me."
Lauren: Well, you had money, you'd saved. You'd started to save some money so that you could at least be-
Aleece: But you know what, I was saving not knowing that this was what I was going to do. But it worked out perfectly, and it really did give me the time to decompress, and then think about what my next step will be, and make sure that that next step was right for me.
Lauren: How has it been for you being able to control your environment? Control the energy that you're around? Because I've been into law firms before for stories, to interview attorneys. And they always strike me, there's just such an interesting energy there.
Because you've got rooms full of people who believe they know everything. And then you've got rooms full of people who are there for the service and they're either in their worst time. They, certainly, if it's personal injury, or if it's someone who's out for someone else, there's been some trauma or issue and they're trying to right wrongs.
And, so, you're dealing with a lot of people all the time, at a lot of different places in their lives. I outside looking in, look at that and go "Gosh, that probably really impacted you." And, so, the opposite of being able to have your own firm, control the environment. What has that experience been for you?
Aleece: It's actually been a warm experience because I literally get to choose my clients. I didn't get that opportunity, maybe for four years in that seven-year period. For four of those years I didn't get to choose who I worked with.
And, so, it wasn't always a pleasant experience. I've had to put my foot down, oftentimes. But being able to have my own firm and choose my clients or my clients choose me. That's a better way to put it because they don't have to choose me. I'm a small firm. I'm not one of these big law firms just like, "Why trust her?"
And, so, we get to choose each other. And, oftentimes, when I'm talking to my clients we do get into personal things, so it's not always business. Sometimes I call for five minutes, and we're talking about your case, and the next thing you know it's been an hour and we're talking about everything else. And, so, it's definitely been exciting to be able to control that. If there's an energy that I don't like I can shut it down.
Lauren: We out. She's gone.
Aleece: I can shut it down. I don't have to deal with it, and that's a relief for me. That I don't have to deal with something that doesn't feel good in my spirit.
Lauren: I feel like that's another rich vein. Because so many people get themselves into situations, where they think they have to just deal with it. Whether it's a client they don't love or a situation they just don't love. But they're like, "Well, I still have to. I still have to do this." Maybe you don't or maybe you could create a situation that you have the ability to say no.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: That requires an awareness. I also think that's growing up too. I know, for me, in my 20s I took way more crap than I do now. Now I'm like, "Hard pass. Nope. Stop." And I feel like the situations don't even come to me anymore. They just don't even come to me because it's like I have, my husband says, "Sometimes I have a giant F-you my forehead."
Aleece: I love it.
Lauren: I'm like, "Good."
Aleece: Sometimes I can have an RBF so maybe that's my little red flag to keep people away. And say, "Oh, I see RBF and I need turn the other way."
Lauren: Is it in the eyes or is it in the eyebrow?
Aleece: I think it's in my eyebrows. When I was in middle school, I was in a band. And anytime I frowned up or wanted to make a face. I frowned and I had this really deep V right here, and my band teacher will always look at me. He'd be like... And I'm like, "Okay, let me fix my forehand."
But, luckily, I have not run into anybody that has even contacted my office, whether they have been a client or not. Nobody has contacted my office that has given me bad energy, and I'm so grateful and thankful for that. I've had some funny people reach out. I was like, "Okay, you reached out to me. So I don't-"
Lauren: "I don't know what to tell you."
Aleece: "I don't know what to tell you. Your disdain for my process or whatever, okay." But as far as the people that I've actually gotten to speak with and work with, everybody has been pleased. And I'm like, "What did I do to deserve this." I am so grateful.
Lauren: You stepped out to follow your own purpose. What you were being called to do, and then you created a service for other people. Which, again, is purpose when you're acting in service of others.
And, so, people find you, the right people find you. I feel like your present day, your story, it's another affirmation of what purpose looks like. And the lessons we learn on the way to purpose, that's what this is.
You can still be in pursuit of purpose, you can still be on your path, and still have things you are always learning. Purpose is not go out Indiana Jones' style and get chalice of Christ and like, "I found it, here it is."
That's not what it is, it's a consistent journey, it's consistent path. It's trusting one's here, trusting again here, and then the next day trusting again. Like, "I'm on the path. I'm on this way, following my heart in this direction." And you're doing it.
Aleece: And is definitely trusting yourself; knowing that you're worthy, knowing that you're doing great, knowing that you have value. So it does take a lot of self-awareness, too, because it's hard to really know what your true purpose is. But it's like you think this is your purpose, but what if your purpose is greater, right?
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: I was like, "Oh, this is my purpose. Starting my law firm, and being accessible to creatives, and having this message, maybe this is my purpose." But what if it's something greater that I don't know?
Lauren: It probably is.
Aleece: And, so, in my mind I'm like, "Oh, it's something greater. I can see this thing being something greater." But it really does take a lot of, like you said, trusting this, trusting you.
Knowing that you're worth because even in entrepreneurship, or even in just working a job, when you're surrounded by other people and you're looking at them. You're looking at their journeys or where they are, a little bit of imposter syndrome sets in.
And, so, that defeats you a little bit on your path to purpose. On your path to really walking in your passion. And you just have to go back to trusting yourself, trusting who you are. Know that you have it, know that it's already within you. And you can't compare your now to so someone's now because you're not in the same place where they are.
Lauren: Yes, you are in different paths.
Aleece: Yes, these are people that have been doing stuff maybe longer than you or took a different journey, and their journey is not your journey. And, so, you really have to be secure and faithful in yourself.
Lauren: I look at imposter syndrome; I look at it as another opportunity to ask questions. I look at that and go, "What about the situation makes you think you don't belong? Why do you think you don't belong here?" Because I look at it and say, "You are in this moment, you belong here. And you leave this room, you're going to go somewhere you belong there."
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Nothing about your path is wrong. You're on the right path, always. You belong in that moment, so rest in it and have confidence in it. You belong here. So impostor syndrome is an interesting one for me because, personally, I have worked so hard for everything I have.
That I'm like, "Oh, no, I deserve this. Actually, I deserve more, so when you're ready for me, I'm here, I'm just waiting." And, so, I mean, golly, I say it like, "Put your shoulders back, stand up taller, stand up straighter. Be confident in what you bring in today, you belong here."
Aleece: I used to tell people, "I am the table." So I don't walk in any room to sit at anybody's table, I am the table. And I really didn't experience impostor syndrome until I became an entrepreneur because it was still confusing times, for me. I didn't know what I was doing, and I'm just looking at everybody else's journey. And it's like, "Oh, they're here, they're there." But they've been entrepreneurs longer than I have.
And, so, I can't compare where I am now with them, so that's really when it set in. But all those other years of practicing law, I walked into every courtroom, every room, like, "I belong here. I'm here because I've also had to experience, 'Are you a lawyer?'"
Lauren: Yes, or "Is that really you?"
Aleece: Yes, so I've had to experience that, so I've always walked into rooms with my head held up. And sometimes when I'm the only Black in the room, hey, that's get difficult. I worked for a firm and we have multiple offices, and I was literally the only Black attorney. So that was a lot of stress-
Lauren: Male or female?
Aleece: Mh-hmm, that was a lot of stress and pressure on me. Because, I don't know why, but I felt like I was a representation of everybody to come after me. And I'm not going to tell the story, some days I walked into the rooms and I felt like I had to prove myself.
Lauren: Yes.
Aleece: I still had the confidence like, "I belong here because why else am I here?" Or maybe I was there for a token, who knows? But I'm here and you're going to know that I'm here.
Lauren: Yes, and you were probably over prepared. To make sure you were proving yourself every single day to any of the haters and the doubters.
Aleece: Yes, until it got to the point where I said, "Why do I feel like I have to prove myself? If I have to feel like that? I really don't want to be here."
Lauren: Yes, because you have nothing to prove.
Aleece: I have nothing to prove.
Lauren: Mm, girl.
Aleece: Like you said, I've worked really hard to get here. And nobody will ever be able to come up to me and make me feel like I don't belong.
Lauren: Oh, I love that. I'm feeling empowered right now, like, yes. This is the message everybody needs to hear. And we do this to ourselves, that's the whole thing, no one else is putting that on you. I mean, they might be but I doubt it. No one else is putting it on you, though, you're putting it on yourself. Walk into that room and know what you bring, like "This is what I bring, whether you like it or not that's not my problem."
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: Maybe some of us are here to trigger people. Maybe some of us are here to buck the trends. Maybe some of us are here to be disruptors. And I feel like those of us who just really step into our authenticity in an incredibly unapologetic way, are so powerful. Because we give everybody else permission to step into their authenticity, unapologetically.
Aleece: Unapologetically, and we have to do the same thing, so I'm always talking to myself. And it's so funny you called me I was like, "You just stepped on all of my toes." It's like, "I need a mirror." Because I do that, I will tell people what they need to hear because it's what they're supposed to hear, but I'm not listening to myself.
Lauren: Mh-hmm.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: It's time to take the medicine girl. This is the medicine, time to take-
Aleece: I must take a big dose when I walk up out of here.
Lauren: Oh, I love it. Aleece are there any parting words that you feel you should add to this conversation, that people need to hear from you today?
Aleece: I would probably say just do it afraid. Because I know so many people are unhappy with where they are. But the fear of the unknown keeps us stagnant, it keeps us in that same space. Even if it doesn't work you can always go back but try it, do it. Do it afraid and it's okay and lean on your people. People are here to support you. It may not seem like it but sometimes you just got to ask. A closed mouth doesn't get fed.
Lauren: I've never heard that.
Aleece: Really?
Lauren: And I'm Southern, we have all kinds of sayings. I've never, "A closed mouth don't get fed." I love that one.
Aleece: Yes.
Lauren: I love it.
Aleece: Yes, do it afraid.
Lauren: Aleece, thank you.
Aleece: You're welcome, thank you.
Lauren: Great job, give me a hug.
[00:55:03] < Outro >
Lauren: How empowered do you feel right now? I recorded that episode and then didn't review it until several weeks later. And when I sat down to put it together, I had completely forgotten what we had talked about, so I kind of went in blind.
But when I was listening back, I was laughing out loud. And I was talking back to the recording like I was a third member. Aleece is living with purpose. She has a vision for her life and how she's going to help people who are living their purpose, too, it's just amazing. And you heard me say it in the interview but true purpose is always a service to others. She's doing that and I bet you are too.
So I want to hear from you, email me with how this episode impacted you; [email protected] I'm always excited to get your messages, and learn about what you're getting from AMPstigator.
Coming up next week, the final episode of 2022, It's going to be episode 44. We're going to talk about the seasonality of creativity. And for me AMPstigator is creative expression. And I have to take time away to reconnect with the intention that I have for this project for 2023.
Unless I get still, unless I get quiet, I can't serve you in the way that you deserve. So we're going to talk through seasonality next week, in the final episode of 2022 Episode 44. As you go through the week, I encourage you shine your light, lead with your heart and live life purposefully.
I'm Lauren Lowrey and this is AMPstigator.
[00:56:36] < Music >
