14th Nov 2022 AMPstigator Season Three Episode 41 How Giving Connects Us
with Guest Pat Shea
[00:00:00] < Intro >
Lauren: This is AMPstigator. A podcast founded on purpose, but focused on the path to get there. Experience is the best teacher, and in this season of AMPstigator, we're going all in on female perspective of women and wisdom. As we answer one specific question, what's the lesson here? You'll hear from my best girlfriends and favorite female collaborators, as we share deeply about what we're here to learn and teach, as we guide other women to purpose.
In the summer of 2021, I met Pat Shea for the very first time. First in a phone call, and then over Smash Burgers and fries, they were to die for. At the time, AMPstigator was still very much a secret, and I was only just beginning to plan what turned out to be a marathon three-day, 13-episode shoot, for season one.
But something about the connection with this woman, who was sitting across from me. Who had brought me to the greatest burger place, compelled me to tell her everything. And within the hour she had named my podcast, hooked me up with three, season one guests, and cemented herself as one of my biggest supporters.
Ever since that day, I have loved Pat Shea and we learned, later, we live down the street from each other. So often she and I will meet up for makeup-free coffee or stare at the moon with a glass of wine. And I've always wanted her to be one of my podcast guests. So I'm finally so excited to say that this is her episode.
Around Nashville, Pat Shea is extremely well-known in the business and nonprofit community. She's most honored for the 11 years she spent leading Nashville's YWCA. Now because of her the YW became a powerhouse organization that champions women. It fights domestic violence, and it raises up really a who's who of female leadership in this city. She also made the organization a fundraising juggernaut, and we're talking millions of dollars raised because of her. Her annual breakfast would, routinely, raise $400,000 in an hour.
After her work with the YWCA, she co-founded a tech startup in the giving space called GivFul. And after three years, they successfully sold off the company, and that was in 2020. So in the beginning of this episode, she shares about the platform and the concept of being give full. Again, that was the name of the company.
So you'll hear, in this episode, how giving is really a prominent part of her personal story. Pat sees giving as a form of self-care, not the kind of giving that women typically do. Not the kind where you're already tapped out, on the verge of a breakdown, and then you break your back to give more.
No, not that.
In this episode, she talks about joyful giving and then shares what the research says about people who give. I mean, and spoiler alert, it's that they're happier, they're healthier, and then they do more.
And one of my favorite quotes from this episode, which you're going to hear today, is when Pat says, "An act of giving is showing that you truly love yourself." And it's a concept I plan to really promote on The AMPstigator Instagram page this week. Because I guarantee what she presents today is an argument you have never heard before.
It is so radically different than what we typically think about, when we think about giving. Now, at this point in her life, she only works on things that she believes will make a difference. It's a powerful stance from a powerful woman. So with that, I'm excited to introduce Pat Shea with the lesson — How Giving Connects Us.
So Pat Shea, we're fast friends. We became fast friends.
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: I love it.
Pat: I loved what you were going to do.
Lauren: Yes, and I remember saying to you, "I've got this wild idea and this word AMPstigator." And I barely got the word out of my mouth, and you're like, "I love it."
Pat: I do love it. I think it's neat when you create your own vocabulary, when you create your own rules. All those things are important.
Lauren: Well, that's what you've done important. Tell me about some of your life because I feel you've gotten, to get everybody up to speed. You've got this really interesting story that gets you to this point through not only business, but the non-profit, and then a startup, and then now the reinvention of Pat Shea.
Pat: Well, I don't know how interesting it is, but it's been fun. I grew up in Wheeling, West Virginia, very big Catholic family. A lot of control, I couldn't wait to leave. My favorite job was waiting tables in a truck stop. I learned a lot, that was a great job. I sold more ice cream and alcohol than anybody, it was really fun.
Lauren: Well, it's the beautiful things of life, that's what you're selling.
Pat: It was, it was great. I went away to college and then ended up in Nashville. I Came to Nashville with my first husband who's delightful. Also he's the father of my son, he's a great guy. So I've been here 40 years and in 40 years I spent about 18 years in corporate America, at mostly HCA and a startup healthcare company.
I ran a lot of consulting at HCA, so I, created services and built products, and delivered them to the hospitals that HCA owned and managed. Then I started a women's healthcare company, that was a physician-practice management company. And it was really exciting and we were in the physician-practice market and the market blew up, and had nothing to do with us.
So after about 18 months, maybe about 24 months, we literally had to close the company and I was 40. And I was in the Belle Meade, Kroger, and I was on the cover of the Business Journal, and it was like, "Only female healthcare company closes." And we looked like criminals.
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: The pictures were not flattering. So I took a little bit of time off and I was volunteering, and a nonprofit leader said, "I could really use your help raising money." So I was doing it as a volunteer.
Lauren: Did you were a fundraiser, at that time?
Pat: Oh, gosh, no.
Lauren: Well, then how did this person know that you would be really good at raising money?
Pat: Well, I had volunteered nonprofits quite frequently, especially, before I had Zach. And, I don't know, I think like you, if I can see it, I feel like I can make it happen.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: So I just started doing volunteer work, and the next thing I knew she started paying me, and the next thing I knew I was running programs. And back then, because this was 20 years ago, business acumen and nonprofit fundraising was critically important. There are a lot of people, today, skilled in those arenas, but 20 years ago I really felt I had something the non-profit community could use.
Lauren: Yes, with your business background.
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: And not just a business background, you were running some major stuff.
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: And, so, you come into non-profits with this, as you put it, your acumen which was invaluable.
Pat: It was fun. And I had volunteered at the YW when I was 23 to about 32.
Lauren: Oh, wow.
Pat: And, as a volunteer, I ran programs. So I love the YW, and as soon as that position, for CEO, came opened I was all over it.
Lauren: Oh, really?
Pat: And I remember telling Zach, he was eight, and I said, "I'm applying for this job and I'm going to get it." And he said, "Mom, I don't think you should be so conceited."
Lauren: But that's not conceited. To me, that's like I'm going to set the landmark here. I see that, as you're saying, I can see it in my mind it's going to happen. It's already going to happen that's- [Inaudible 00:07:21]
Pat: And that's perfect, it was a great, I was there 11 years. I met all the goals I set. When I got in there, it was a little bit of a financial disaster and didn't really have a very well-developed brand in the community. So I had a lot of great opportunities. And really at that time and place believed that when I could see something, I could make it happen. And that creating a vision was about getting other people to adopt your vision, and make it their own.
Lauren: Yes, that's a skill.
Pat: And then get out of their way, and it was fun. YW was fun. And then when I left there took a little bit of time off, and then I got invited to co-found a tech startup in the giving space. And we did that for about three years. Covid really was hard on us, but we made it through, and then we were able to, successfully, sell the company, and it's doing well right now. So Givful, I think about 5 million people wake up every day with the opportunity to give straight from their paycheck because of Givful. So that was kind of fun.
Lauren: Yes, I was going to ask you a little bit more about Givful. Because Givful is spelled G-I-V-F-U-L, right?
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: G-I-V-F-U-L, and when it was acquired, tell me who it was acquired by and how it's being used now, and what Givful did in the initial?
Pat: So there was a large payroll company and, basically, all they were was the platform company. So what they do is they create a SaaS product and then they sell that SaaS product to multiple payroll companies, across the country. And the SaaS product was really focused on small companies under a hundred employees. So their company name is Isolved.
They bought our platform, then integrated Givful into their basic product. So any company that gets their platform and then resells it to an employer, brings the Givful capacity forward. They did not take the brand, they took the technology, they took our whole team, which was wonderful. And, I think most of the team is still there, which is good.
But it's funny how you set out, I said, "I wanted to do Givful because I wanted to grow giving." I wanted to create an opportunity for almost to democratize giving, to put it at your fingertips so that you could do it anytime, anyplace. And I think we did that, but we did it not in the way that I had predicted.
Lauren: Yes, I think something that you've said before, that's really struck me, that you did step into the YW, for example, and you started bringing huge amounts of money. Millions of dollars in fundraising to that organization. And then you noticed the thing that was hard to get, was what you called small money donations.
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: So just like me giving, "Here's $25."
Or me, "Here's a $100." That was harder to get than say $50,000 from a major corporation, that surprised me. Because initially I would think, "No, it's the opposite." But Givful addressed that concern because it allowed people to, do I understand it correctly? That they can give straight from their paycheck?
Pat: Yes, it was a very cost-effective way. And, so, the reason I said that because, honestly, it used to frustrate me. A gift of $50, or $75, or $100, which is a nice contribution. Most non-profits will spend that in managing that gift and then continuing to solicit that donor. And so there's not a lot of efficiency in that.
So you give a $50 to a nonprofit. They probably spend that $50 on trying to keep you engaged. But when you raise $50,000 there's a lot of efficiency. And what Givful did is it created a platform that you could engage a donor without the personal time, and she was in control of her giving.
So she could log-in in the morning and look at 1.5 million charities across the United States, and make a contribution. Or she could see what you did over the weekend. There was a live feed so you could communicate within your company about your charitable contributions. And she might see that you build a habitat house and then she makes a contribution in your honor. So it really democratized it and made it tech-based, so it was fun.
Lauren: Which our whole lives are tech-based.
Pat: Now they are.
Lauren: Everything I feel like is automated and we try to make things simpler, and that just really simplified the process.
Pat: And this was six or seven years ago. Today, there are a number of giving platforms. But when Walker Morrow and Sada Garba started this, they were ahead of the game, it was fun. So great partners.
Lauren: I bet that was so cool to be. I would feel like maybe an honor to be asked to come in, and to be the leader of that kind of startup.
Pat: Well, it's an interesting story because Walker, who was so determined to launch this product, he just kept saying, "You're perfect." And I was like, "Well, tell me more?" And I got the concept and I also very much understood the need, and I'm very passionate about giving.
But I said, "So what can you pay me?" He goes, "Oh, we don't have any money. We don't have anything, but we can give you ownership of what might be."
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: And, so, it is kind of funny, yes, it was very nice to be wined and dined in the coffee store. But it's not they came after you with a big package.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: It was really a big dream, and we had a good time. Covid was hard. Covid really made it hard. We launched our brand new enterprise product March 1st and went home March 15th.
Lauren: Oh, my.
Pat: So for about six months, nobody was interested in a volunteering and giving platform. So it was kind of a pain, but we made it.
Lauren: But, look, it's done now. It's sold, everybody got a nice payday and here you go.
Pat: It all worked out. But I frequently equate it to Sully landing on the Hudson. I always say, "Yes, but he wasn't supposed to land on the Hudson." We really hadn't planned to sell Givful to a payroll company. But it worked out, and it worked out for everybody.
Lauren: Well, and you were someone who is so focused on giving and not just giving monetarily. You are such a person who is generous of spirit, and I love that about you. That when you feel a connection with a person or feel a connection with a cause, you just don't stop giving to it. You give people, you give connections, you give money, you give time, you give energy, you give love, it's really beautiful.
Pat: Well, thank you, it feels natural. When I first got into fundraising, it's hard when you first start raising money because everybody else says, "How could you do that?"
"How can you ask for money?"
"How can you beg?"
Lauren: Well, how do you? How do you do it?
Pat: Well, what you realize is human beings need to be connected. They need to be part of things significant and relevant. And, so, if you have a good cause and I come to you and say, "Hey, would you write a check for $1,000 for the YWCA." I'm actually doing you a favor, and that was how I framed it up.
In my head, everybody I encountered was looking to be part of something good. Looking to make a difference. Looking to feel, like I said, humans need to be connected, and the YW was very well run. We had amazing services, we still do. The YW still has great services.
And, so, when you got involved with us, I was actually doing it to help you, and that made all the difference in the world.
Lauren: Yes, everybody does want to have meaning, and feel the donation they give or the efforts they give have meaning. I see how you're saying it. I don't know that I've ever heard anyone put it that way. "I'm doing you a favor. Me taking your money is a favor to you." but I like it.
Pat: It is, and you don't try to convince anybody. So if you ran into someone, for whom the symphony was their passion, I'd be like, "You go girl." I didn't try to persuade people. I found people who cared about eliminating racism and empowering women. Who cared about domestic violence. Who cared about GED programming and girls programming. And when you find those people they're actually, almost, falling over themselves saying, "How can I help?"
Lauren: Mm, that's smart. I think people, anyone, could take that. If you need someone to support you find someone who supports the cause, and then you create the ask.
Pat: Your vision has to become their vision, and then get out of their way, literally.
Lauren: I love that. So season three, I mean, you've seen every iteration of AMPstigator season one and season two. Which were very closely tied together. Season three has been a slight shift because you know that I'm obsessed with women. You know how much I love women, and I just love everything about women. I think we're so powerful. I think we run the world. I think we, sometimes, don't step into all the power that we have.
So I wanted to really focus on women, in season three. And, also, in season three I want every episode to answer the question - What's the lesson here? What are we learning? Because we can teach each other.
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: We can teach each other through all of the things that we go through, and it's up to us to share the lessons.
Pat: Mm-hmm.
Lauren: So to you, Pat Shea, I ask you, is there a lesson that you're either consistently learning over and over? Or is there something that you're learning in real time?
Pat: So that's a big question and it's a fun question. So I love men because I have a husband and a son. But I completely enjoy women, and I enjoy helping women, working with women. And one of my favorite quotes is, "Give a man a fish he eats for the day. Teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime. Teach a woman to fish and she feeds the village." And that's what I've learned in this lifetime, is women and I, we see the connectivity.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: I don't know if it's because we're mothers and sisters. I'm not sure where the origination comes from, but the lesson I've learned, and the lesson I live by every day, is that connectivity.
Lauren: Mm-hmm.
Pat: We are all connected, and we are all responsible to take care of each other.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: Humanity is one big human race. And I frequently watch a news story or read an article and think, "How does that mother feel?"
"What is that mother thinking about her son going to war or her daughter fighting for a cause."
Lauren: Right.
Pat: So I really do think this idea that we are all connected, on this planet, at this time. Is something that I wish everybody would practice and consider when they go about their days.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: But it influences what I do every single day.
Lauren: Is that something you came into, that lesson, or was it always very clear to you?
Pat: I think even learning about fundraising and learning that I am giving someone an opportunity. Understanding human basic needs. So over time you just see the same results, and you realize that connectivity is what brings happiness and joy.
So stories, I had a woman who gave me $20,000 for an educational fund for women, who are victims of domestic violence. And every year I got to pick one woman in our program, and I got to pay for all her out-of-pocket expenses so she could go to college.
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: Fast forward, five years, one of the women that we funded was speaking at a pretty large engagement. The woman who'd write the $20,000 check is sitting in the audience, and realized that she made this woman, who went on to get her PhD, she changed this woman's life.
Lauren: I have goosebumps.
Pat: So at the end of that event, there's the woman who's gotten her PhD, who's gotten out of an abusive relationship. But the woman who got more is the woman who wrote the $20,000 check.
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: She was sobbing. She said to me, "I've never felt like what I did mattered. I never felt like my money had this kind of impact. I saw what I did."
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: So those, kind of, events, those, kind of, stories and experiences really has reinforced, in my mind, this connectivity. And then I've watched us, in recent years with the political divide, Covid, what I think's hurting us the most right now is this divide.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: It's almost like we're being pushed apart and that's not human nature.
Lauren: Who and what are doing the pushing then?
Pat: Well, I think Covid pushed us apart. Covid pushed us into seclusion. Politics, I think the fact that we fight so much over our beliefs and we don't see the bigger picture.
Lauren: Which is we're all the same?
Pat: Yes.
Lauren: And a lot of us want the same thing.
Pat: We're kind of all the same, we are. Cut us in half and we're all the same inside, and we're sitting on a planet that's 5 billion years old. And when you look at what's going on around us, we are so one on this planet. And I just wish more people thought of it that way and saw it that way.
But that's kind of my number one lesson is we're one connected entity. And then, two, I really believe everything we need is here. And, again, I found that time and time again, in the nonprofit space. But I also found it in business, when you needed something and it was good for everybody involved, you would find the resources required.
Lauren: That brings up an interesting idea. And it almost, to me, expresses, do you remember Manifest Destiny. Do you remember learning about Manifest Destiny?
Pat: No. What is Manifest Destiny?
Lauren: This is going back to high school history classes. Manifest Destiny is basically what the early American, I shouldn't say the early Americans, the early settlers. So 1600s, 1700s, by the time that they started doing the Gold Rush in the 1800s out West.
This concept was Manifest Destiny, where they were saying, "This is our destiny to go settle California. To go settle, fill in the blank. So we began taking land from Native Americans, and we said, 'This is ours. This belongs to us.'"
So let's take away maybe the negative implications of something like that. You're, also, it seems like you're applying that in your way. Like, "If this is beneficial to everyone, then let me manifests this destiny for this organization, or for this cause, or for this particular need." Do you see the correlation there or does it feel different to you?
Pat: No, I do see the correlation. I think, for me, sometimes, my experience is when I saw something that was right.
And when I say "Right" it's almost like a truth people would get behind, when you identify that. Then it's not hard to get the people and the resources together. Because, again, it goes back to basic human need. People want to do things, they want to make a difference, they want to impact change, and that brings forward all the resources.
We started, at the YW, we started a program where we engaged men to reduce violence against women and girls. And that happened because a very smart, Harvard-trained PhD told me, after 20 years of studying gender violence, that "Until men cared I would never solve the problem."
Lauren: Yes, wow.
Pat: And I was like, "Wow, I'd never had that thought." He knew exactly what he was talking about. So I came home and I said, "Okay, men." Well, men came out of the woodwork.
Lauren: Of course, because there's so many men who love women.
Pat: Exactly.
Lauren: Who have sisters, who have mothers, who have wives, who have daughters, and they're like, "I see the value in this." [Crosstalk 00:23:03] Write a check.
Pat: That's exactly what. So we went from thinking we might need to engage men, to having a night at The Predators and getting a half a million dollars. Because Sean Henry was like, "I have a sister, I have a wife, I have a mother, and they're my best friends." And I didn't see my contribution, not his personally, but the men's contribution to this issue, it's really a men's issue. Violence against women is a men's issue.
But that's another example of where you find that little crystal, you find that little truth, and there are people that will get behind it. And those people have resources, and those resources bring about the change.
Lauren: Yes, but they pay for the change. They grease the wheels; they allow for it.
Pat: Yes, so, I mean, I really believe that if humanity wanted to solve world hunger, we would. Because we have plenty of food.
Lauren: Gosh, I feel like this is such a rich and deep conversation because we could apply this concept to so many places. The vast majority of listeners on this podcast are women, and many of them are entrepreneurs. I'll just put it at that, many of them are entrepreneurs. And I feel when you're on this journey, you might be thinking your journey is a solo journey.
But I hear the way that you've created change in everything that you've touched. You, and you, Pat Shea, you never look at things as a solo journey. And I almost think, for anyone who's listening, if they're thinking their journey is their own, maybe that's where we need to start change. Maybe that's why the lesson that you're listening to today is going to be powerful for you. Because, maybe, we need to look around and say, "Of what I'm doing needs more people around it."
What if I create community around this, or this, or this, and how do I get more people on board. So that it begins to create a change that affects more people than just me."
Pat: Exactly, I would agree with that. So I did a little bit of soul-searching when I left the YW and said, "What do I want to do next?" Because I've never really followed a pattern. And I uncovered that what matters to me is not just being there and helping people, when they need help. But I love to help people who are helping people. So you fit perfectly. I mean, you wanted to elevate people who were doing good.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: So I wanted to elevate you. And I really do think when we see that connectivity and we also understand how giving works. We're really open to give more freely and receive more freely, and that's a lesson all women can learn.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: Now, there's two sides to that coin. Women give way too much sometimes.
Lauren: Yes, of themselves, a lot.
Pat: Of themselves.
Lauren: It's themselves, is what they end up giving.
Pat: And they give in a non-joyous, more obligatory way.
Lauren: Like, "These are my kids, I have to do this."
Pat: "This is my mother; this is my husband." And we learned that during Covid. I mean, what women had to do, what women did do, to support the family unit during Covid is just miraculous, and really unfortunate.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: I'm talking about joyful giving that's easier. That's really coming from your soul, and your spirit, and it's not costing you, it's really adding to your life. So joyful giving is really almost a way to practice self-love.
Lauren: Mm.
Pat: Because when you give freely, and easily, you really just create a scenario where you're loving yourself, and sharing a piece of yourself with someone else.
Lauren: To me, this is sort of a spin, but I love how you spin it. Because, let's think about it this way, maybe, there's a woman who volunteers to feed homeless people, for this many hours of a particular day. The perspective that she gains in that moment, the love she feels, the gratitude she feels.
You could be buzzing off that love for days because, then, you begin to feel gratitude for the life that you've been given. Gratitude for whatever privilege you have. Gratitude that you had a roof over your head. There is nothing but good when we feel gratitude, and it is a full body experience.
Pat: It's a full body.
Lauren: And just even talking about it, I'm touching my heart. I'm like, "Oh, this is where I feel it."
Pat: That's where it comes from.
Lauren: And it's just like Care Bear Stare comes out of your heart, this beam of light to feel gratitude. And I feel like when we give and when we give from that place. I mean, gosh, there's just so many positive emotions that you experience with it.
Pat: I totally agree. So the fact that you're even pointing to your heart just makes me, "Well, of course, you get this." But I say get out of your head, giving doesn't come from your head.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: It really doesn't. And it comes from here, it comes from your heart, it's a full body experience. And the benefits that you, as the giver, receive are much greater than what you gave. Because we know, science is behind the fact that people who give are mentally and emotionally happier.
They have purpose, they're grounded, they're connected, they're part of a bigger thing than just themselves. So they can weather storms. They're physically healthier. I mean, there's data that shows you have a lower blood pressure rate. You sleep better.
So if you're giving and you're connected, you just are a healthier human being. And then whatever God you believe in, that God says that, "Those who give receive." And I've done that research. So you can look in the Quran, you can look in the Bible, you can talk to someone who practices Judaism, it's all the same. "Those who give receive."
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: And, so, it is kind of a self-help, self-love strategy, and I just want more people to pursue it and to promote it every single day.
Lauren: I love that you call it self-love or even self-care. Tell me how you got to that point where you said, "Giving is the next self-care." We just need to change some of the thought process around it. How did you get there?
Pat: Well, I feel responsible for myself. So I'm on this earth to grow and develop the being of Pat Shea. And because I feel this connectivity, I feel responsible to the whole humanity, whole human race. And, like I said, all the data shows that when I give it's good for me. When I'm one with you, when I'm in the spirit with you. When my soul is connected with your soul, that lifts me up.
And, so, it really is a health strategy that I'm totally in control of. It doesn't cost anything. I can practice it at Kroger. I can do it on the highway. If you just go through your day thinking, "What can I do, now, to make someone else's life easier?"
Lauren: Hmm.
Pat: And you let someone go in front of you, in the fast lane, on 65 or you take back someone's cart because she looks a little older than you are. The buzz that you get, the lifting up that you get, is so much greater than the actual act that you just did. And, so, it is a way, all day long, to make yourself feel good, and to really love yourself because you're loving others.
Lauren: This reminds me of what I consider, a phenomenon, that when we say negative things about someone else, the subconscious does not know that you're talking about someone else or talking about yourself. And, so, those negative words are connected to negative emotions, and the body starts processing those negative emotions. Having no idea that you're talking about someone else.
So when you're talking, negatively, about a situation or someone else, you're feeling all of that. Conversely, if you're speaking positively about someone else, or if you're thinking positive thoughts, feeling gratitude, giving, feeling awe, or wonder, or love, or appreciation, the subconscious feels all of that. And the body releases emotion, the chemical residue of emotions all there.
And, so, the giving, also, does that, it triggers that same sort of thing. So you taking the shopping cart from a frazzled woman or older woman or you letting someone get in front of you. I feel like a nod every single day to the subconscious, to the soul, and it's only positive. It's only good when you do that.
Pat: And it makes me feel good. It brings joy to me. And, so, that's why it's really self-love.
Lauren: Do you feel like you've been trying to teach that to other people?
Pat: Well, I think it is part of fundraising and running a non-profit. I don't know, people like you say that I'm giving. But the reality is I get so much. I mean, I have benefited so greatly from being in a relationship with you.
Lauren: Oh, thanks Pat.
Pat: I have. I'm sitting here today. I think of the people I've met. I think of what I've learned, my experiences I've had, because you're in my life. I was at a dinner, John and I were having a glass of wine the other day at a restaurant here in Nashville. And this woman came over and said, "Are you Pat Shea?"
And I said, "Yes."
And she said, "Oh, my gosh." And she told me a story of something I had done, which then let her do all of this great work.
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: I mean, she's helped hundreds and hundreds of women leave abusive relationships.
Lauren: Oh my.
Pat: But I was on cloud nine, for the little thing I had done, for her, 10 years ago. So if we care for ourselves by truly loving ourselves, by doing acts of kindness, by doing acts of giving, and shutting off that mental-
Lauren: The hamster wheel, the negativity.
Pat: Geez, again, there's so much chaos going on in our minds. And knowing that your mind, and the voice in your mind, is not you. It is reptilian and it's trying to protect you. So just shut that down and go here, 12 inches down, listen to your heart, and live from that space.
Lauren: Wow, you just sharing that story of the woman who came up to you. And I wonder if that sense that you have, it's a purpose sense. It's a purpose meter where you see purpose in another person and you say, "Oh, I know what that looks, and I know if I can just help this person in this way, I can get them closer to purpose." So for that woman, you helped her even the small part, the small difference you made.
Pat: Supported what she wanted to do.
Lauren: But you got her to a point where she could help all of these women get out of abusive relationships. She was operating on purpose and you had your little purpose radar up and you were helping.
Pat: Well, I think what we do, and I'm guilty of this, is we know something, like you knew about AMPstigator, you knew that. That is our essence, our soul, our heart speaking. That is the true you telling you, "This is an opportunity, go for it." If you don't act on that your mind is really negative, and your mind will start to rationalize why you shouldn't do it.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: "It's going to spend money."
"You're going to fail."
"Everybody's out there doing it."
So you really need someone outside you to come in and say, "Your gut was right. Don't listen to that mind, listen to your gut." And I think I do that frequently for people because when people come to me, they say, "I had this idea."
"I had this thought."
"I have this belief."
They're, normally, coming from their heart or their gut, and they need somebody to say, "That's what you should listen to, turn that mind off." There's a great quote, "Your mind is a wonderful tool, but a horrible master" And I live by that. Do not let your thoughts run your life.
Lauren: Yes, I love that. The other thing I think you represent so well, that when I think of you I think of this is that, you are the person who's like, "Let's do it."
"I want to have a dinner."
"Let's do it."
"Let's get everyone together."
"Let's do it."
Pat: Well, I have a lot of faith that things work out. Because, again, when you put a group of people together, that all want the same outcome, they all work together to make it happen. I am scheduling, this is insane, I'm working on a family reunion. My dad was one of 13 and I am one of the caregivers of my 95-year-old mother. So I've reached out to all these cousins I don't know, and I've said, "Let's get together for a weekend next April."
Lauren: Wow.
Pat: And I'm crazy, but I believe that those who show up will be so invested in the weekend, it'll all go fine.
Lauren: Oh, yes.
Pat: Like our dinners, you get 12 women around the table. They're all invested and being a great participant in having a wonderful time, so you can let it go.
Lauren: Well, isn't it true? You're also a really good example of this, of you put out an energy into the world and you get back what you put out. You are such a great example of that. Because you do bring ease, and flow, and excitement, and creativity to it, and like, "We can do this." Empowerment, you bring empowerment.
And, so, because you look at the world that way, you approach situations that way, everything comes back to you in that same way. It's so beautiful to watch. For me, it's an amazing example of your attitude runs everything. Like my Lauren Lowrey, my attitude runs everything. If I believe I can do it, oh, I really can. Just like if I believe this is going to be a problem, oh, it'll be a problem.
Pat: Exactly, what you put out is what you get back. What you give is normally what you need, which I believe strongly.
Lauren: Oh, wait, what you give-
Pat: ...give is almost, always, what you need.
Lauren: Okay, give me an example.
Pat: Well, so you came to me with this idea and I supported your idea. What do I need? I need people to support my ideas. I live on people supporting my ideas. If I had an idea for a dinner party, or a program, or a concert, and nobody came to me and said, "That's a good one, let me be behind you. Let me be your wing woman." That kind of concept.
So you do give what you need, and that really gives back to self-love, again. I think we all give love to get love. So I've seen that time and time again, that we transmit the energy we want back. We give what we need to receive, it's pretty much a constant flow.
Lauren: Well, now, the more I think about it, but that's even the foundation of the Love Languages, that just how many, multiple million times bestseller book.
Pat: Yes, I wish I'd written that one.
Lauren: Yes, Gary Chapman did an incredible job and it has stood the test of time, and one of the major concepts is we love people in the way that we want to be loved.
Pat: Mm-hmm.
Lauren: But I would've never thought of it in a space outside of a loving relationship, that we give what we need.
Pat: Well, we communicate with our mouth, our voice, our language. We communicate with our thoughts. But I think we really communicate, at the soul level, the energy level. I think that giving is a currency that souls, that the real me. The me that's been me since I was brought onto this earth, and the me that I will be until I leave, I'm an energy.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: I'm in a human body, but I'm an energy, I'm an essence. And I really do think that currency of giving is the way that humans connect. It's part of that connectivity.
Lauren: That is beautiful, Pat.
Pat: Well, it makes a lot of sense to me. And I remember a long time ago, I probably was 23, I had read a book by Margaret Wheatley called Leadership and the New Science. And she used an analogy where if you look at an aspen forest, acres and acres, miles of aspen trees. Go to Montana and you'll see a whole mountain covered with aspen trees. They have a single root system.
Lauren: What? I didn't know that.
Pat: A single root system. Or when I was in Costa Rica, I learned about, what are they called, ant cutters? Cutter ants, and these are these little ants, they're kind of big for being ants. But they work as a system, and they cut the leaves off trees with their little teeth or whatever they use.
They carry the pieces of leaves, that they've cut, from point A to point B, and then they also carry an ant that's cleaning the leaf while they're carrying the leaf. And then they go over here and bury it, and they create what's needed for other trees to grow.
Lauren: Oh, my gosh.
Pat: And I just think this concept of being an ant cutter or being an aspen tree is what we are. I mean, if you get far enough away. If you look at that Webb Telescope, and you get far enough out there. We have to look a bunch of cutter ants and we have to look a bunch of aspen trees.
Lauren: Those James Webb Telescope images every time they come out. Even last week some new images were released. I sat and stared at those pictures. I mean, I stared at them for probably 15 or 20 minutes, in awe, in wonder. How can we not feel minuscule? In the knowledge of that gorgeous beauty, that's hundreds and hundreds of millions of miles away, light years away-
Pat: And billions of years old.
Lauren: Billions of years old. And then here we are and I'm concerned-
Pat: Over a parking spot at Kroger.
Lauren: Right, or that I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer. Get over it, this is ridiculous.
Pat: That has reframed and supported this belief I have. I mean, my favorite thing about seeing those pictures is the reinforcing that the universe is still being created.
Lauren: Oh, yes.
Pat: And that this whole giving that we're doing is part of creating our space. So this moment in time, and the moment we're going to have in a minute, and a minute is all brand new. And we can lean into that with our giving, with our love. We can lean into that and make it something, or we can just let it happen and watch it. But we are part of a universe that's still creating.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: So we can change everything. We can change everything about the future.
Lauren: Yes, you know what, to me, it's a beautiful dichotomy. Something that I think about a lot, actually, is that we can create and we can also still be created. We can be both the art and the artist.
Pat: I totally agree with that.
Lauren: Isn't that beautiful? What a beautiful concept, and we're seeing it. As we're saying, in that James Webb, those photos, they're called star nurseries. Those are the places where the stars are being born. And it's like, "Melt my face, this is so incredible." And we get to witness it, that we have the technology now.
And it actually makes me think even deeper, to this place, which is if those things already existed and we just didn't know because we didn't see them. What other things exist around us all the time that we just don't know or don't see? Either we don't have the technology, or we don't have the understanding, or the wherewithal to see what's right in front of us.
And I think about that and that becomes a prayer of mine. Of like, "Let me see what I'm missing here. What am I missing? I'll take the time it needs to take. I'll take the silence I need to take, show me what's here."
Because I believe everything, like you're saying, I believe everything's already here, we just haven't found it or we haven't realized it's there. The answers are there, let's find them, let's wait for them. So please God, Universe, whoever you want to pray to, "Show me what am I missing here? What's here that I'm not seeing."
Pat: Yes, one of the neat things about that whole telescope, and I think that was put up 20 years ago, and we're just, now, getting back the pictures. Is it crashes so many Mental Models. And that's I see a real barrier for people, every day, that get stuck and believe Mental Models are real and that construct drives their decision making.
The idea that winner takes all is a Mental Model that's wrong. There is no all and there's no winner, it's all of us put together. And when you look out into the universe there was an idea, at one time, that we were the only solar system.
Lauren: We were the only ones.
Pat: We were it. There was questions about is there life other than Earth? I mean, how could there not be life, when stars are still being born today. And we've been around, I think earth's been around for 5 billion years.
Lauren: Yes, I might be wrong, but I think it's 4.65 billion.
Pat: I think you're right, it's right about 5 billion. And we've been on this earth, as in this state, for about 200 million.
Lauren: Yes, and something like that, I don't remember. Although, I was just reading, I will tell you the man who just, recently, won a Nobel Prize in, I forget which area of study, he is responsible for finding another breed of humans, Denisovans. So we have the Neanderthals, we have Homo sapiens, Homo erectus, and now we have Denisovans.
Pat: Isn't that crazy?
Lauren: It's just incredible. Okay, wow, he found a bone that's 40,000 years old. And then we as humans, some people like to think that, "Oh, we've only been here 3,500 years." And I'm like, "No, not possible."
Pat: Actually I said 200 million, I meant 200,000, we have not been here very long. Not compared to what's going on around us.
Lauren: Yes, when you're looking at 4.65 billion.
Pat: No.
Lauren: And then when you're looking at light years away, that are being formed. So I think the big creation of what they consider the universe is, hundreds of billions of years, that's crazy.
Lauren: Isn't that incredible?
Pat: So question, this goes back to just question everything. Because frame of reference and Mental Models are self-made by man. And they create the way that we operate, and we do, and we live, and they're wrong. A lot of them are-
Lauren: And it's interesting, because I just recently put out a podcast episode about that. On the very, just very, basic level of I was looking at our ideas of success. So many people will judge their success based on something that they didn't even create.
It was a model of something else that they've just subscribed to. Who told you that this indicates success? Or that indicates success? Is it your view of success or is it what's really going to mean success for you? And, so, to your point, question things, question it.
Pat: Well, and going back to the beginning of our conversation. A lot of people believe that there are those who give and those who need, and receive. And I'm saying no, those who give are also receiving, and those who are receiving are also giving, and it's one fluid thought, it's one fluid action. But there's a Mental Model around philanthropy, and there's a Mental Model around scarcity that are wrong. There is plenty, we have enough, we just need to let it go.
Lauren: Oh, there's more than enough.
Pat: We just need to let it be, and flow, and think about the bigger picture, and I don't think the winner takes all. And I don't think the early bird gets the worm because they're worms all darn day. It's like just question things, and live in your heart and be amazed. I do think there are miracles every single moment of every single day, and it doesn't take us long or far to find the next one.
Lauren: Yes, it's our own blindness that keeps us from seeing it. What's next for Pat Shea?
Pat: Well, I am taking on some projects, right now, with people and on issues that matter to me. And, so, I'm scouting for things that really I think are important right now. And women's reproductive rights are really important to me. What we're going to do with voters' rights is really important to me, to give you two examples. But I really want to stay in the space that matters. I'm 63 and, so, I only want to work on what is really important, and then I care a lot about who I work with.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: I was out with Aaron Dorn, last night, and Harry Allen and those guys are two of the cofounders for Studio Bank.
I'm on their board, I wouldn't be on their board if I didn't think about those two men, as being the great leaders that I know they are. They are solid from the inside out. They lead to serve the people that they serve. They're not self-serving, they're not wondering what's in it for them.
And I think leadership is so important right now, we really got to find true, honest leaders. And then we really have to show up and support those men and women, who can take us where we need to go regardless of whether it's a daycare center, a political institution, a corporation.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: We need to start-
Lauren: Doesn't that require us to look outside of ourselves? Because I feel like so many people just get closed in. To like "Here's my problem, here's what I need. My problems, and my needs, and my wants, and they just get in that bubble of self. What you're describing requires someone, all of it, requires someone to look outside of themselves.
Pat: Well, get out of their heads and I really think the way we change the world is change from within.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: And, so, Aaron and Harry are guys who have really done their own work. And I feel that's all of our responsibility to start inside, and get ourselves straight, get ourselves aligned with what we know is good, and what we believe, and then stay stable to that. And not fall victim to the crap that we're sold about what matters, who's important, what's relevant, how to be happy. I mean, there's so much bull about what makes you happy.
Lauren: You could curse if you wanted to.
Pat: Well, someone said this to me, the other day, and I thought it was great. No one ever sees a U-Haul behind a hearse, you can't take it with you. So the idea that we just try to amass fortune, and power, and wealth, and keep it all to ourselves. I'm in love with MacKenzie Scott. What she is doing, right now, I think is really critically going to change philanthropy.
Lauren: Yes.
Pat: And I loved what Patagonia did just, recently, when they gave the company back to the foundation.
Lauren: That's right.
Pat: So I really think the way that we see capitalism and resources in power and wealth needs to change and needs to be back to this idea that we're all connected. That we're one human race. And we're really here to work on ourselves, and be a good partner with everybody else that we're got the opportunity to share this time on Earth with. It seems simple, but it must be much more complicated because there a lot of people who don't follow this thought.
Lauren: They don't get it.
Pat: No it's all about what they got when they went home. What they got to win, so it's crazy.
Lauren: Well, we'll get there Pat.
Pat: I think we will.
Lauren: We'll evolve.
Pat: So what's next for me is, maybe, just try to keep pushing this message. Working on what matters to me, and working with people who I think really can make a difference.
Lauren: Yes, change one-to-one is big change.
Pat: Yes, and helping people who really can help others. And there are some great people, and you're one of them.
Lauren: Thanks, Pat.
Pat: Putting the spotlight on people doing good. Creating conversations that open people's minds. Talking about the soul and energy of this time together, is really important.
Lauren: I just love you so much. Thank you, Pat.
Pat: I love you, thank you.
Lauren: Yaay, you got a hand clap.
[00:51:07] < Outro >
I love how she said that, "I believe the way we change the world is to change from within." Isn't that the truth. I mean, we have to get aligned, we have to stay stable. And there's just so much BS and it's keeping us apart from one another. If we could just see how connected we all are, we could affect a lot of change.
And you'll see some really amazing quotes, and episode clips, from Pat on the AMPstigator Instagram page this week. Make sure to follow us over there. And then also make sure to sign up for my emails, I release a new episode every single Tuesday. It goes live at midnight, and then I always send an email that morning telling you about this week's guest.
So just go to ampstigator.com, you can sign up right there. You can also send me a direct email super easy, it's [email protected]. And I got to tell you, it is such an honor to sit with these women and tell these incredible stories. My path to purpose is right here on this podcast.
So it's my joy, truly, to bring these conversations every week. To encourage you, to teach you, to help you see you are not alone, and we can create community around self-discovery, and remembering what we're here to do. Because I do think we know, we just have to trust the things that we've already been leaning toward, and let those gifts that we all have, let those guide us.
Coming up next week, just in time for Thanksgiving. I'm releasing the second half of my episode with two of my best friends here in Nashville. I am so grateful for these two women and you're going to hear more real talk, as they started asking me questions. So I am the one being interviewed. I'm actually excited to listen back to it because we recorded it during a really trying time in my life. So I'm interested to hear bits and pieces from this like time capsule.
Well, as you go through this week, I encourage you shine your light, lead with your heart, and live life purposefully.
I'm Lauren Lowrey, and this is AMPstigator.
[00:53:18] < Music >
