27th Sept 2022 AMPstigator Season Three Episode 34: You Have Nothin' to Prove
With Guest Rea Frey
[00:00:00] < Intro >
Lauren: This is AMPstigator. A podcast founded on purpose, but focused on the path to get there. Experience is the best teacher, right? And in this season of AMPstigator, we're going all in on female perspective of women and wisdom. As we answer one specific question, what's the lesson here?
You'll hear from my best girlfriends and favorite female collaborators, as we share, deeply, about what we're here to learn and teach, as we guide other women to purpose.
[00:00:42] < Music >
All right, this is an episode that's real talk with your most aware and most in-tune girlfriend. And we should all have a friend who's arrived to a place where they're fiercely independent and aware of what they need, in order to operate as their highest self. And that's why I love Rea because she's done the work.
Rea Frey knows herself, and by her knowing herself she gives you permission to check in with your own body and your own needs, wants, desires, and then just run the plays you need.
I met Rea because she's friends with another podcast guest, and that guest connected us. And immediately we were like, "Mm, yes, mh-hmm, we're friends." We're made for each other, truly. There was just this knowing that we get each other, we understand each other.
So in this episode, we cover a lot. We talk about human design initially, and then feeling the gut instinct, and where we feel that. We, also, spend time talking a lot about the publishing industry. Oh, yes, and by the way, Rea's written nine books, four nonfictions, five fictions. She's a bestselling author in her own right.
Plus, she's gotten book deals to publish three more fictions in the next two years. Plus, she's ghostwritten or co-written 50 books and her company, Writeway, which helps people create book proposals, get an agent, get published, has helped get about a 100 books published in two years.
Wow, I mean, she helps people write books as a way to live out purpose. But she's also reached burnout, so we talk about how she's had to learn rest. And I, also, love that her lesson today is you don't have to prove yourself, be who you are. Show up in all of your authenticity every single day and don't be who others expect you to be. Because that will never lead to a deep, meaningful life.
I think Rea just, really, captures feminine wisdom in all things. So we talk about getting out of our heads, dropping into our bodies, talk about sacred female rage, yet that's a thing. Plus, by the end of this episode, we talk through how crucial and important it is to put your phone down. To help you down-regulate, even just minimize distractions for a few minutes every day, it's going to make a difference. So I'm excited to introduce you to Rea Frey, with the lesson— Nothing to Prove.
I do want to start by making a connection with you, first of all, you and I, upon first meeting, we both realized that in our human design type, we are both manifestors. And, which by the way, I learned, I read, recently, that we are only 7% of people on this planet. Have you read that number?
Rea: Yes, or 9% I've heard-
Lauren: I like seven-
Rea: 7% is better.
Lauren: Makes me feel more like we are unusual.
Rea: We are. We are a very rare breed, and I think the most interesting aspect of Manifestors is we, actually, don't need other people to make things happen. Which sounds isolating in some ways, but I think it's, actually, incredibly advantageous.
Lauren: And empowering, right?
Rea: And so empowering. We do not need other people to enact our dreams, our missions, it's fascinating to me.
Lauren: Yes, I love that. So if anybody is ever heard of Human design or not even heard of it. It's simple, go on the website or download the app, it's all free. All you need to know is your birth date.
Rea: Time of birth, super important.
Lauren: Yes, time of birth is super important. Even if you have a roundabout, ask your mama, ask your grandmama, ask somebody like, "What time was I born? It's actually really important."
But, yes, Manifestors. When I started reading about my Manifestor, my human design type. It started to put to words something I've always felt, but I never had ever verbalized as being like, "Oh, there are other people like this."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: So I want to start by talking about your gut instinct.
Rea: Mm-hmm.
Lauren: You yourself, Rea, your gut instinct and how you've learned to work with that, use that, trust that. So let's just start down that road.
Rea: I love that because a lot of people grow up learning about like, "Oh, trust your gut and your gut instinct." But we don't, really, know what that is.
Lauren: Or even how to exercise it.
Rea: Or how to exercise it. Because, for me, and I think for a lot of women, we live in our minds. We're just always in our minds and always spinning around, and around.
So when I started diving into human design, I actually, learned that I'm splenic authority. Which is like getting a gut instinct, but I know in a moment what is right, what is wrong, what I should do, what I shouldn't do. And if I start to think about a decision, then I'm not using my gut instinct, I've missed the point entirely.
So when I start to hem and haw, I know in an instant whether I should work with this person, whether I should go on this trip. So now, at 40, I am, actually, learning to access that and use that. Because in the past, I think my whole life really, I've been a very like pros and cons person.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: I'll get a feeling about something like, "Oh, I really shouldn't do this thing." When I got married 22-years-old, which no one should do, I had a panic attack right before I walked down the aisle. And I knew weeks and weeks before that I shouldn't do this. I should not marry this man, this should not happen. And my body responded, so violently, and my dad was like, "We can run away. You don't have to do this."
And I was like, "Oh, but I have to, everyone's here. We've already spent the money." I talked myself out of it and I feel, as women, we often do that. We talk ourselves out of things. So now I'm to a place where it is so amazing because I realize I don't have to think about anything in terms of decisions I just get the download.
But I have to be in my body for that. I have to drop out of my head and into my body. And if I'd had that knowledge when I was 20, 30, even.
Lauren: Even if you had the knowledge, I will pose this question to you, would you even have listened to it? Because it does require a perspective in life experience to know to trust it.
Rea: I mean, again, I wish, I had been brave enough at 22, taking the marriage thing into account to really listen to myself. Because I, really, suffered the consequences because I didn't. And I've had a few, really, big moments in my life where I knew what I felt and what I should do, and I just went against what I felt.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: So I don't ever, I'm trying to teach my daughter that as well. She's an emotional authority, so for her to make a decision, she has to go around and around all of her emotions-
Lauren: She is the opposite of you.
Rea: ... my husband too. It's they both, my husband has four voices inside of him.
Lauren: Oh, wow.
Rea: So he has to go through this exhausting process. Whereas I'm like, "Let's go on the road trip."
"Let's do this thing." And they both have to process and feel the emotion, so it's pretty interesting in our house.
Lauren: Yes, you're like, "Okay." It's funny that you say it that way because I describe my own husband that way. Where I'm like, "I know, instantly." And then it leads to this point where I'll say to him, "Well, I know this is what we're going to do. I know you need time. Let me know in four days."
Rea: Oh, that's brilliant.
Lauren: "Let me know in four days how you feel about it."
Rea: Deadlines.
Lauren: Or even if, honestly, look, we've been married a long time.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: Even if he's upset with me about something or upset about a situation. He won't even come at me until two days later.
Rea: Completely.
Lauren: And I'm like, "Okay, now you've figured out?" Because I, also, like you Splenic Authority where it's like, "I know instantly."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: I know, instantly, if someone is, "Oh, this person, they're my people."
Or, "This person, hands off, stay away."
Rea: And, as Manifestors, we can be very repellent to other people.
Lauren: I know.
Rea: No, that's not bad thing.
Lauren: I've been told it's polarizing. That I am polarizing.
Rea: Same, and that's, actually, a protective thing for us. We are protecting our energy. So we know, instantly, whether that person is going to be in our little orbit or is not.
The thing I love about Human Design, and, again, I know this podcast is not about that. But we can learn to use our traits and characteristics as assets and not flaws, and, I think, that is where it comes in handy the most. Because I can just lean into exactly who I am and the way I make decisions, and not try to, constantly, be like someone else. Or compare myself to that person who surrounds themselves with 50 girlfriends.
I feel different at different times, I need different people at different times. Or sometimes I don't feel like I need much of anyone at all, and I don't have to feel bad about that. It's just the way I am, literally, designed.
Lauren: Yes, and I find, too, that the more we, as women, step into who we really are and, unapologetically, step into it. The more space we're given to be that by people around us, who love us, who are also in our lives. They go, "Oh, Rea knows what she's doing. So she needs that fine, that's what she needs."
Rea: But we have to, as Manifestors, we have to inform people what we're doing.
Lauren: I've learned that.
Rea: Otherwise they're like, "Where did they go? What's happening? What's going on?" And, so, we need to let people know what we are doing.
Lauren: I know. Thanks mom, I appreciate that, I realized that. Once I learned that, I was like, "There's been so many points in my life where I've caught people off guard with things that I'm doing." And they freak the F- out.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And I'm like, "Well, why are you... the lead up to this has been so clear."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: But I had to remind myself that informing someone is not asking permission.
Rea: A 100%, that is the biggest distinction.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: We don't have to ask permission for anything.
Lauren: Even though, there are not many people out there who are little Manifestors like you and I. There are still things that you and I can teach people about how to follow that, initially, still small voice, that that inkling. Because, for a lot of people, it doesn't shout, it never shouts.
Rea: And being a Splenic Authority, it's, actually, more of a whisper. Even though, it feels so dominant, but it isn't this big, shiny thing, we just know.
Lauren: Yes, it's the knowing.
Rea: And I think, for a lot of people, I mean, my biggest piece of advice is to get out of your head and drop into how you are, actually, feeling about a situation or if you're trying to make a decision.
Because I just think once we get into our head and we start analyzing and going around and around in circles. Often it's not, even, our voices that we're hearing. We're thinking about our partner's voice, or our parents', or society.
Lauren: Reaction from everyone, right?
Rea: Exactly.
Lauren: I'm curious how you think your gut instinct has played into your work? So explain to us what you do and how you think that's impacting it?
Rea: Yes, so I am a fiction writer. I write both suspense novels and women's fiction, kind of, book club fiction and nonfiction as well. But as I was getting into becoming a writer. I studied the craft of writing, there's a lot of information about that. But there is nothing about the business of writing. How to be a published author?
How to make money at it and how to be successful at it.
Lauren: I love how you laugh when you say it. Can make money.
Rea: I mean, because you can make money. It's this stereotypical thing that like, "Oh, you're a writer." Like it's a hobby. Because we're never taught to take it seriously like an actual business.
So I developed a side-hustle years and years ago, where I decided I was going to help other writers understand the business side. Understand how to get published, understand what that meant.
To get from having a concept all the way to getting published, and then knowing how to advocate for yourself. Knowing how to negotiate contracts. Knowing how to do all of those things that no one teaches you. So this little side-hustle, mainly, helping non-fiction authors just-
Lauren: Like self-help authors, for example?
Rea: Yes, self-development, health and wellness, business, entrepreneurship, that's a huge bucket of content that we work with. But a lot of these people, so non-fiction authors usually aren't authors. They are CEOs, execs, they need a book to legitimize their brand or business.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: And, so, that book, really, serves a purpose. And I've created this book proposal methodology, which is how you even get published. You do not write the book, that's a common misconception with non-fiction. You do not write the book, you create a book proposal.
So I started helping clients through that and then editing, and ghostwriting, and getting them agents and book deals. And it just organically blew up and took off without me having to do much of anything.
Lauren: Yes, because people were saying, "Wow, this person, really, helped me." And they might have a girlfriend here or there. Well, " Here's the person you need to contact."
Rea: Exactly. Yes, word of mouth referral only it's how I grow my business. I'm so old school, I don't love social media and all those things.
Lauren: I love you more for that.
Rea: Yes, I mean, I really, do. I want to be an author without it, in fact, even though I've been told that I can't be. So I created a business called Writeway at the top of 2020.
Lauren: W-R-I-T-E, Write.
Rea: Yes, Way. And we just help authors learn how to make the right decisions for their careers. Empower them to, really, step into the type of writer that they want to be. And, often, a lot of people don't even think about their goals. What publication path they want to take. What options that they have.
So I'm split, in that I work with people one-on-one very closely, it's a very intimate relationship. People call me a book doula because I'm, really, helping birth the book into-
Lauren: That's great term for it.
Rea: It's fun. And then with my own work, I mean, I've put out a book a year since about 2018. I had four non-fiction books before that. So my world, literally, is entrenched in writing. And when it comes to gut instinct, with my own writing, that's been pretty easy. To know when to say yes when to say no in terms of deals or the editors that I'm working with.
But when it comes to clients one-on-one. I have made so many mistakes saying yes to someone when I knew they weren't a fit for me, we did not mesh. But I'm going to be, totally, honest, sometimes, I made decisions because I need the money.
Lauren: Mm-hmm.
Rea: Because I am the breadwinner in our family because. I need to say yes because we have to make ends meet. And I've gotten to a place where I know, instantly, within the first five minutes of a call whether that person is going to be the right fit for me and vice versa.
So gut instinct or that splenic authority plays in on a daily basis. And it has saved me so much unless I don't listen to it, I still make those mistakes. And then it always ends up being exactly what I thought it was going to be.
Lauren: Being exactly what you thought it was going to be.
Rea: Because I still, even though I know to listen to that gut instinct, sometimes, we just don't.
Lauren: Oh, I mean, all the time. I feel like all the time we just don't. Even, for myself, in 2021, I made a commitment to myself.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: In my personal life, I said, "Leading with my head has only gotten me to this place." And, I mean, cheers to that. Where it's like, "Oh, God, only got me to this place." And, guess what, I'm miserable.
So if I'm going to commit to doing something different. This is me, the personal conversation I had with myself, if I'm going to commit to doing something different, I need to be committing right now to being, in my words, soul-led, is how I'd say it.
Rea: Love that.
Lauren: I've got to be soul-led. So if I'm going to make this choice, what it, really, was like starting this podcast I was called to start it.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And me starting a podcast is not just some random person starting a podcast. I'm under a talent contract.
Rea: 100%.
Lauren: I'm under a contract with somebody else.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And, so, does this refute and fly in the face of what I'm under contract to do?
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: So if I'm called to start a project that makes it look like, "Holy smokes, what are you doing? I mean, all in my head. My head's like, "You are being irresponsible." But I had to commit to being soul-led.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And, so, I said, "Well, if I'm called to start this project, I'm just going to do it." And, so, that was the moment where I said, "And from now on, I have to be soul-led." Or in the same splenic authority conversation I have to be led from my gut in all of this or none of this is going to work. If I reintroduce my head into this, we're going to have problems.
Rea: And I can relate to that so much because my business, when I developed the side hustle, we, actually, started off with a podcast. It was called Writeway, we've since changed it to the Real Story.
But we were talking about all the things that no one will tell you in the publishing industry. And some pretty damaging insider looks to some of the things that go on. So, as an author, I was like, "If my publisher listens to this?"
Lauren: [Inaudible 00:18:17] blacklisted.
Rea: Yes, they're going to, literally, drop me. And I started releasing all these solo episodes about my own hurts, and disappointments, and frustrations.
And I had authors reaching out of the woodwork to say, "Thank you for being honest and saying what we all feel, but no one will say." Which, I think, really, has to change. I mean, not to go off on the publishing industry tangent, but it's like music or anything. The industry does not exist without the talent of the author or the musician.
Lauren: Right, the creator. You are creating the arts.
Rea: Completely and we are the last person to know about anything, we make the least amount of money. So it's really important, for us, to understand the industry that we're, even, getting into. How it all works and then, again, to just advocate for yourself. And that goes back to listening to your gut and not saying, yes, just because you want something.
Lauren: I know you're dealing with this with your 10-year-old right now, you're teaching her.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: But I know you've had to have some inkling of these same conversations with adult women. Who aren't enlisting you in a professional business relationship. And you're saying, "Well, how does that feel to you?"
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: I mean, tell me, explain how these conversations are happening, and how you're getting other women out of their heads and into their bodies on decisions?
Rea: It's, really, interesting with my business because we are a word-of-mouth referral only. I have noticed that as I clean up my own energy and get more certain about what I want. I only, now, attract women who are on that same path and want to write books like that.
So when I have these calls, people, usually, come to me pretty clear about who they are. What they want to write, but they're also unclear about how the publishing industry works. And what their book's going to mean? And what they need it for? And, so, we, really, get down to, "What do you, actually, want? Not what society tells you that you need?
Like, "I want to be a New York Times best-selling author and be on the Today Show." Sure, that's great. But is that what you, actually, really, want?
So that's, actually, the only really deep work we do in the beginning. To figure out what that person, really, wants, not what they've been told that they want because it's fleeting.
Lauren: I would, almost, say, too, it's like psycho analytics. Okay, little ambition, sit down. Ambition, sit down. Pride. Who's, really leading the council here? Let's talk to that woman."
Rea: Completely, and more and more people are, really, taking their own power back and wanting to self-publish. They want the control. They want to be able to dictate what work goes out into the world and what the timeline is, and what they get to say. Versus a publisher saying, "No, you can't print that, it's going to take two years to come out in a bookstore." So it's interesting.
There's, definitely, been a power shift as people become more empowered to put their own workout.
Lauren: Yes, the self-publishing thing is, really, interesting to me. I didn't even know that that was a thing until, probably, last year was the first time I had heard of it. And there was a woman I know and I had said to her, "Wow, you just wrote this book and it just came out. I was, always, under the impression this could take two years. And she got this sly smile, and she said, "This was a business expense."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: She's like, "This is out of my marketing budget. I self-published this." And I just remember being so blown away.
Like, "Well, what a smart woman?"
Rea: Completely.
Lauren: And now I see it like, "Oh, this is what..." Exactly as you were saying, this is how a lot of people legitimize their brand. It's how they legitimize their process. Get a book, and the book is what ends up helping you gain the speaking engagements. Or the panel positions and all of that, it's incredible. It's smart.
Rea: It is so smart. And, I mean, it often leads to other sources of revenue. I mean, everyone thinks, I think, with fiction writers, we put all our eggs in that basket, with that novel, hoping it sells a million copies.
But we're not solving problems. There's no sense of urgency to go out and buy our book. With nonfiction, it's totally different. I mean, you are solving a problem.
Lauren: Problem solution.
Rea: You are serving an audience, and it can just diversify itself in so many different areas of your business. So it's tough for fiction writers to feel that same, or to approach it like a business.
Which is what we, also, work with authors on because it's just like, "I'm just going to write this book, and put it out, and see what happens." And it's harder to make a living that way if you don't have any clear direction or know what your goals are.
Lauren: The question is based in purpose. So AMPstigator is about purpose, founded on purpose. That's what this podcast is all about, finding purpose, the pathway to purpose and all of that.
Do you find that you are, consistently, working with people who are using books to live out purpose?
Rea: Yes. When I first started out, the answer to that would've been no. I would get the multiple seven-figure CEO who was like, "I need a book."
Lauren: Yes, "Will you write this for me? Will you ghostwrite?"
Rea: And then, "I don't want to have anything to do with it."
Lauren: "I hate writing."
Rea: "I want to be a thought leader, but I don't have a thought." It was just wild to me. And I was like, "I don't want to work with people who don't want to have a say in what they want to say." I mean, that's the whole point.
So I only work with people who, actually, want to be involved. Who feel passionate about what they are putting out into the world. And if it doesn't have a purpose, then it's probably not going to do very well.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: Do you find that people are disappointed with the product? Or are they usually happy with what they come out with?
Rea: Yes, I mean, that's a great question, it depends if they self-publish. When they self-publish, they do have more control over what they are writing. The length of the book. How it's coming out into the world.
So, usually, when people self-publish they're pretty happy. Unless, you can't always dictate the paper quality. What the cover looks like when you're self-publishing because you don't have that big team that's handling all the distribution and, really, cares about the quality. So I see a lot of disappointment that way.
Now, a lot of our clients who have gotten the big shiny book deals, the six-figure contracts, publishing with the Big Five. They're happy with the book but then they're not, really, happy with how the process goes. They didn't feel like they were in the loop. They didn't feel like their teams did a lot to, really, help them push and promote the book.
So it runs the gamut, and that's why a lot of the people who are disappointed. Even though, I try to tell them like, "This is what you need to expect."
Lauren: Let's manage expectations.
Rea: "This is what your team is." I mean, I feel like that's what publishing is, is learning to manage expectations. And, really, realizing, after my first book, my fiction book Not Her Daughter came out in 2018.
I descended into this post-launch blues. A real depression, almost, like having a baby and how some people go into postpartum, it was the same thing.
Lauren: Oh, there's a creative postpartum, for sure.
Rea: For sure. So a lot of people can ride that wave too. So it, really, runs all over the place with how they feel their experiences go.
Lauren: This is fascinating, you and I haven't known each other for very long. And because I, also, have this gut instinct about, "This person is my person."
The first time I met you, I was, like, "Oh, yes, Rea is my friend." I have this knowing with you that I'm like, "I get you. I just get you." I hope the feeling is mutual?
Rea: The feeling is, totally, mutual. I would not be here if it was not
Lauren: Yes, I'm going to be effusive with my praise and then only to discover, "Oh, wait, but Lauren, I'm here because you twisted my arm."
Rea: No.
Lauren: I feel like you have, I mean, not just feel like, I know you have a lot to offer. I know you're someone who you know yourself, you know who you are, and you know what you bring. And you're at a point, in your life, and I say this as like, you are past 35. I feel like there's something that happens to women, 35, 36, 37. That life changing, I call it course correction, that's how I term it.
You're past your course correction. And I feel like for any person who knows how to get out of their head and into their body, you are aware of what changed in your life. And, so, those are the type of people I like to have on this podcast. Because, yes, we're founded in purpose, but season three is all about the lesson.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: What's the lesson? Because we, you and I, and then anyone else who listens to this, who is like in this age group. We are now old enough to see patterns in our own lives. To say, "Oh, God, this is the lesson I keep learning."
Or, "This is what I'm learning right now."
So I want to start by asking you, is there a lesson that you've, consistently, like multiple times, learned. Whether you've learned it yet or not, tell me what that is that you've brought awareness to.
Rea: My biggest lesson is I don't have to do anything to prove anything to anyone in terms of my value. I am never going to be more valuable than I am at this moment and I don't have to prove myself, in the ways of my professional life, my personal life. And I've met my entire life with such force and resistance, a lot of resistance, actually. I always think like "If it's not hard enough I'm not killing myself, and I'm not hustling, then it's not worth it."
Lauren: Me too.
Rea: And I hit a point, actually, it was very recent, where I hit complete and utter burnout. With my business, with client work with my child, even with my husband. I was like, "What? I can't do any of this anymore. I am exhausted to my core. I don't know what I am trying to, consistently, work so hard for."
And, with writing, I also reached that point where I was like, "We're all out here." I would just look at Instagram and all the authors and I'm like, "We are all just, consistently, putting out our highlight reel and, "Look at what I'm doing."
And I reached a point and, really, during the pandemic it was such a gift, where I just was able to sit still, and I feel like such beautiful lessons come from that stillness. When you get quiet and realize all the noise, all the distraction, all the doing, that's not where I wanted my life to be anymore.
I did not want to kill myself, and hustle and constantly try to prove myself because I'd proven myself time and time again.
But for what?
To what end?
Who am I doing this for?
Lauren: Yes, it should be for you, but who are you doing it for?
Rea: Who am I doing it for? So I really started to realize that because of all that hustle I had wrecked my nervous system and my adrenals. I was in constant fight or flight, experiencing tons of heart palpitations, and sleepless nights, and anxiety, and all of these things that I hadn't had before. Which I feel like a lot of women are experiencing. But our nervous systems are just jacked, I mean, they're so messed up.
So I used the last two years, really, to start digging into that type of work and seeing like, "Okay, I know what's going on in my head. But what traumas are stored in my body and how can I release a lot of these old stories, and a lot of this old junk and energy and blockages?"
Lauren: Yes, you just keep carrying it around, right?
Rea: You do. And, so, I started this healing journey where, to-date, I have worked with pretty much any type of healer and every type of healer.
But I, recently, found someone who focuses, specifically, on the nervous system. Where she calls it couples therapy between your organs, which I love. She gets everything talking to each other and, really, drops into the somatic work. Drops into the body and does so much release work and it has been-
Lauren: Life-changing it sounds like.
Rea: Oh, so fun. And a lot of that, we have talked off camera about this, but is in this using your voice to activate and to release. And my husband's a breathwork coach. So breathwork is so important and it's really changed just my daily practice, and my daily life to be intentional about breathwork.
I need a lot of parasympathetic breathwork. I need a lot of like slow breathwork. Whereas my husband, who's resting heart rate is like 35. I'm like, "You need to go to a doctor immediately, you're dying. You're dead. You're not here."
He needs a lot of up regulation because he's a non-energy being, actually, as a projector in Human Design. So he needs a lot of energy-
Lauren: Yes, bring him back up.
Rea: Whereas I need to be brought back down. And, so, through my two, three-year journey of breathwork. I have really realized that in the morning, shaking my body, using my voice and activating just releases.
Lauren: Yes, so when you say using your voice. Like we, in our society, say using your voice like, "Oh, just advocate for yourself." But that's not how you're saying it. Explain to me how you're saying use your voice?
Rea: Yes, I am so passionate about this. So there is a specific breathwork called Owaken Breath Practice. It's O-W-A-K-E-N and two people from New Zealand who came up with this practice. Where it includes meditation, nasal breathing, sometimes, they do mouth breathing, journaling, and lots of movements.
So when you trimmer and shake, if you were going to bounce on your toes and just shake your arms and legs. That is such a great way to get the energy falling.
Lauren: You are shaking it out like in the way that you see a runner or a sprinter start shaking out their hands just before-
Rea: But doing it for more than 30 seconds, really, doing it, put a song on and do it. But then when you inhale, if you inhale through your nose and you open your mouth, and you just let whatever sounds come out. And I do that, consistently, but when I met this woman, this healer named Elizabeth Devon, she is all about primal screaming.
Lauren: Oh, she's a screamer.
Rea: Oh, my God. So I have a 10-year-old who has screamed a lot in her little life. And if you look at toddlers, I mean, they are, actually, expressing emotion the way we are intended to.
So an entire emotion last 120 seconds, the whole purpose is to get it up and out. So if you see a toddler who's having a tantrum. They scream, they yell, they move their bodies, they're pounding their fists.
They get it up and out, and then at the end of that 120 seconds, it's gone. They move on to the next thing and the tantrum is over and we move on. As adults, we are supposed to do the same thing and we don't.
Lauren: And we don't, we suppress everything.
Rea: We suppress everything. And I am someone who ever since I was born, really, my mom just has always said, "You were just born angry, with rage." And I used to, when I was like 10-years-old, when I was my daughter's age. For no reason, I would go outside and shake my body and start cursing. I would just-
Lauren: Like you have Tourettes as a 10-year-old?
Rea: Yes, exactly, I mean, I would just feel this rage come up and just let it out with no reason.
Lauren: Well, and in our Human Design type it tells us, both, that anger is us when we are not aligned. So our unaligned self, it is anger.
Rea: And I spent so much of my life just angry, and I would have releases and get things out. But because I was labeled that I thought anger was bad. I thought, "Oh, if I get angry, I'm not safe to express myself because I'm dramatic. You're angry."
When in fact rage and anger is so sacredly feminine and it is such an asset and a tool, and we don't look at it that way at all. Women don't know how to access their rage and anger in a, really, like, safe, positive way.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: So this woman, before I started doing one-on-ones with her, she was having this event called The Roar. And I was like, "Sign me up, I don't even know what we're doing. But, yes, that sounds great."
And it was one of the most incredible things I've done. So it was only about 20 women in this building out in Nashville, called the Historic Maison James. Which used to be like an old masonry and filled with these holy men and now it's just a container for women, which I love. So women are just doing all these different events there. But she really guided us and talked through how rage is sacredly feminine?
Lauren: Yes, this is normal and this is natural.
Rea: A 100% and we do not release. So she, really, built upon, it was a 75-minute workshop, essentially. Where we, almost, were screaming and moving our bodies for that period of time.
Now that doesn't sound insane, but think about it, if you scream, if you're angry, it's what, 10 seconds and it's over. So having permission-
Lauren: To just keep going?
Rea: She started out, it was about three minutes of just us moving our bodies and screaming. And what happened in that room, I was there with a couple of friends, and one of them, everybody had quieted down, and she let out this wail that sounded like her child had been murdered. It was anguish like I've never heard, and everybody in the room just responded to her. And it was, I'm getting chills thinking about it, it was unbelievable.
And, so, then, I mean, we were moving our bodies, we were dancing. And, so, the teacher, Elizabeth, was saying, she does a version of what we did every single morning. With a specific type of breathwork, while shaking her body and just screaming whether it's into a pillow or whatever because we need to release what is stored.
Lauren: Well, and what I'm hearing is, when I hear that, I, automatically, think, obviously, our society says that kind of emotion, nope.
Rea: Which is ridiculous.
Lauren: We're supposed to control the emotions, fit in the box. And, on top of that, what do women use as coping mechanisms, instead?
Rea: Oh, wine.
Lauren: Wine.
Rea: Netflix.
Lauren: It's accepted, right?
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: It's acceptable, in our society, to just drink away the problem or binge away the problem. In terms of like Netflix, or alcohol, or food, or whatever, or just complaining, commiserating.
Rea: Oh, complaining! I'm a pro and complaining, I mean, and that's the thing. Anything traumatic or too much, we just put them in these little boxes and we don't touch them. We will do anything to not sit and feel our feelings.
So getting quiet and, really, again, getting out of your mind and dropping into your body, and that doesn't look like sitting still. And, in fact, like meditation, I love meditation, but for me sitting still. Getting quiet is one thing but sitting still isn't as powerful to me is, actually, moving and releasing. I need to release.
Lauren: I am a walking meditator. That's my favorite thing to do, to just walk and meditate.
Rea: That's my absolute favorite thing to do too. So, I think, it's, really, important to even get in touch with yourself enough to know; "Do I need to release stuff?"
"Do I need to sit still?"
"Do I need to move?"
What is even in here that I haven't accessed? Because we don't. Our phones that we carry around, they have messed up our dopamine so much. I mean, we're just messed.
Lauren: Well, it's not just the phones. I have a whole thing, I've got a war on caffeine.
Rea: Oh, yes.
Lauren: This is another thing we're like, and look, I'm not coming for you if you love your Starbucks, I'm not coming for you. I'm just telling you, in my own personal experience, in my own body, I too have adrenals that have been shot. I remember having a blood test at 24 and being told, at 24, your adrenals are shot.
Rea: Mine are the size of little raisins, they are shriveled. And dead, and caffeine, yes.
Lauren: Caffeine, really, irritates it.
Rea: It's like putting you into fight or flight. I mean, I do love, I have my one cup of coffee in the morning, it's my one vice. But it's so true, and we are operating from that sense of depletion on a daily basis. We do not replenish, and nourish, and sit still, and feel, and release, and it is the most important thing.
More than posting stuff on Instagram, or building your brand, or whatever. If you don't take care of this vessel and your own energy. I've become highly protective of my energy, as well.
Lauren: Yes, I feel like there's so many influencers right now. And I say this because, yes, we are a culture that's on Instagram.
Rea: Sure.
Lauren: I feel like there's so many influencers who are right there, 40, 41, 42, 43, who are well-known entrepreneurs, influencers on social.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And all of them, I feel like we're saying the exact same thing, like, "I have to take a month off. I have to do this, I have to do that."
Like, "Here's how I rest.
"Here's how I take care of myself."
And it is to the point where it almost feels like this is the cool new thing now to talk about self-care.
Rea: And, I mean, I don't even like that that term. It's just the way that we have constructed our lives. The amount of information we take in in one day is more than our ancestors had in an entire lifetime, in one day.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: And it's the way we work, too, I'm a huge advocate of working in cycles. So I took the summer off for the first time in my entire life.
Lauren: Did that kill you leading up to it or how did you prepare?
Rea: No, well, I hit burnout and I was like, "I have to do this for my mental health." Which sucks, we shouldn't have to, almost, just be catatonic before we take a break.
So I took the summer off and I also, am so passionate about taking winters off, at least the month of December. We are not supposed to work year round. We're never replenishing, I mean, we're just not. And we're also not supposed to take in a million pieces of information every day. Because when we do that, we can't even process how we feel, what we want, what we need.
I mean, my husband is 41 years old and as, men, so going through this screaming thing, I'm like, "Where is this for men?" Men need this more than anyone. But in his life he has maybe sat down to think about what he, actually, wants a couple of times. Because men, specifically, are not taught to really access. Like, "How am I feeling about this?"
"What do I need right now?"
And if we don't start getting back to that, I mean, we're just little robots absorbing information and going about our days. And, so, unfortunately, if you want to take care of yourself, true self-care. You have to set massive boundaries, and protect your energy, and say no to a lot of things.
And it's been semi-hard to do that but it's been a game changer, a complete game changer. I do not do anything that I don't want to do, period.
Lauren: Okay, so what's the lesson in all of this then? That lesson that you keep learning then?
Rea: Yes, I mean, honestly, it all comes back to what we were talking about, in the beginning, is, really, listening to what I need. Not what my daughter needs, not what my husband needs. Not what you need, not what my friend...
Lauren: Not what you're told to need.
Rea: No, but just what I need, in this moment, and it's going to look different every single day. I'm not ever going to get to this entirely, peaceful, place in the journey. It's just learning to be resilient day by day and to, man, just to, really, sit still at some point every day. Not consuming but just processing. Processing is one of the most important things that we can do and we just don't do it anymore.
Lauren: Yes, here's a great example of how you can do this. Because I'm sure there's people listening and they go, "I can't take time to do that." Let me tell you, B, you can.
Rea: If you're five hours on your phone every day, yes, you can.
Lauren: Thank you, that's exactly what I was going to say.
Rea: Oh, God, don't even get me started on the phone.
Lauren: That's exactly what I was going to say. You're standing there waiting for your Starbucks, why are you on your phone? You're standing there waiting for your prescription, why are you on your phone?
Rea: If you spent five hours a day studying a language, writing your book-
Lauren: Listening to a podcast?
Rea: Yes, listening to this podcast, I mean, it's so true like we don't even know. I'm a huge stickler, if I go anywhere, if I'm in a waiting room or an elevator, I do not have my phone. I rarely bring my phone out. I don't bring it to dinner and I just sit there and I watch people because we used to have conversations.
Lauren: Thank you.
Rea: I'm so old-school. I want a flip phone. I don't want social media. one of my favorite writers, his name is Cal Newport and he is a New York Times bestselling author, he doesn't even have an email. His new book is called A World Without Email.
Because you never get to the deep work when you are, constantly, distracted. I mean, our attention span, there was a recent report, it's eight seconds. Eight seconds before, I'm sorry, there are fish who have longer attention spans than us. It's a problem and we're all just buying into.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: "Well, this is just the way that it is."
Lauren: I have to tell you that everything about this podcast is pushing against that. And here's why, I mean, I'm a news anchor. So I have been listening to these kinds of things popping up in research since I got in. I mean, I've been listening to research projects since I was 21. So that was 2006 is when I got into television.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: And, so, we get these yearly research projects that are about, I mean, every place I've worked has been this. So even though I've worked in different stations, the research is always the same.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: It's that people have short attention spans. It's, also, you're going to speak to them at a fifth grade reading level, that's number two. Truly, I'm not kidding. And then, also, you are going to write stories the way you speak.
So I have become a master at short, declarative sentences, writing the way we speak. So that when I read what is written because it's all a teleprompter.
What I'm saying sounds like I'm just having a conversation with you. Because, now, I'm so used to expressing myself that way and writing that way, that it comes out that way.
So, literally, eight seconds. Fifth grade reading level. Write how you speak, short declarative sentences, all of that. And, so, this podcast became a way for me to push against that. Because a year and a half ago, I was like, "I am done with the lack of depth. I'm done with the surface."
Rea: I can't do surface,
Lauren: I cannot do surface. I can't. And newscasts are the epitome of surface. They truly are the epitome of surface because it's just black and white. It's just the facts, there's nothing gray, and I'm just not comfortable with that anymore.
Yes, I'm still employed as a news anchor. I'm good at it and I enjoy doing that. That's fine, there's a place for all that. There is also a place for this.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: There is, also, I believe a lack of in-depth conversations with women, for women, by women about things that we, actually, deal with. Real talk, like, "I'm not happy, you're not happy. How are we dealing with it?" You know what I'm saying?
Rea: Those are the only conversations I want to have.
Lauren: Same.
Rea: When, it was, literally, when I hit 40, and over the past two years, this happened to a lot of people. But just, really, examining every relationship and friendship that you have and weeding out some that might no longer serve you.
And my husband and I were like, "I just don't want to have shallow." I don't care what you're watching on TV. I don't want to, I mean just going deep. And because we've kind of declared that every single relationship that we have feels like it is nourishing on that soul level, which is amazing. But that does take some intention to-
Lauren: Well, and awareness, it takes awareness.
Rea: Yes, absolutely.
Lauren: Because it does come back, too, to exactly what we've been talking about. Of like, "Hey, your body is sending you signals all the time."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: You know the answer to a question. You know if someone's right for you or not. Even if someone's, who's listening, even if you're not a Manifestor, you still have the same intuition, everyone does. It's like you cannot fail if you just listen to it. But so often we're taught not to listen to it.
Rea: Which is so, I mean, it's, really, the only thing that we should be honing is learning to trust ourselves, to listen to ourselves. But then we get caught up in our head and like, "Oh, well, I can't quit my job to go pursue this dream."
"I can't do this." We start thinking about this little bubble that we have created. And I've always gone against the grain, in terms of living a traditional life and wanting the same things as everyone else.
Lauren: Shaving part of your head.
Rea: Yes, well, one of my best friends is going through cancer, leukemia, and I had to shave her head. So it started with just like a tiny, little-
Lauren: It's looks super cool, I love it.
Rea: ... it goes all the way around now. I wanted to do the whole thing.
Lauren: I love it when you wear, I was, actually, shocked today that you didn't wear your hair in a top knot with your huge earrings?
Rea: I know, I wear my hair in a bun, literally. Well, my earrings are like wind chimes, they just make so much noise. So I was like, "I'm not wearing earrings today." But I usually am always with earrings, yes.
Lauren: And with big, expressive, earrings, which, I really, appreciate.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: But I just think it's interesting, though, how we do dim ourselves.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: That's the thing I keep thinking about lately. That's been on my mind a lot. Like, how often are we dimming, all of us, especially women, how often are we dimming ourselves and not being who, and what, and all the things we're supposed to be?
Rea: But my question to that, and I really struggle with this, sometimes. Because to be seen, and to show yourself, and to show up in all your light today, if you don't have an audience, a lot of us don't feel that it's even worthwhile.
And that's where because, again, I don't feel, at this point in my life, that I have to go out and prove myself and what I have to offer. So it gets, really, tricky because I think a lot of women, again, not to go back to social media.
But, well, look at all of the people who are living their best lives, and showing up, and being seen. And then we're like, "Well, I don't know if I can do that." And I'm someone who's always been behind the scenes.
I am in a supportive role for other people. As an author, I still haven't reached the pinnacle of where I want to be and I think I've done all-
Lauren: You're saying as a fiction author, you haven't?
Rea: As a fiction author. And, I think, one of my biggest fears, I know one of my biggest fears has always been being truly seen as I am. Because I'm not a typical female.
I don't go get my nails done. I do not like makeup. I will not wear heels. I made that decision, too, over the past two years. I'm like, "I don't like them. They don't feel good to me, I'm not doing it."
I had knee surgery forever, girl, it's not good for my body. So I'm, really, listening to myself. But in terms of dimming, I'm like, "Gosh, what is not caring about what society thinks?" And then, "What is dimming yourself?" What's the difference there? Because, again, I think, having an audience, really, dictates how you show up in the world.
Lauren: This is fascinating, I want to dig into this. Because I'm not sure I'm completely understanding. I'm stuck on the audience. So let's just say I'm a regular Joe or regular Jill and I have 500 followers on social media, and they're just my friends and family. Are you saying that, that's not an audience enough to live out who I am?
Rea: Oh, no. I'm saying the opposite. I feel like we don't live out who we are if we feel we don't have a big enough audience to show up.
Lauren: If there's more people who are watching, it's like, "Wait a minute, I need to be accountable." Is that what you're saying?
Rea: Yes, or just like that if you have a bigger audience, that you're somehow more valuable than someone who could show up as their most authentic self. Well, maybe, there aren't that many people watching. Maybe there're not putting themselves out there the same way someone who has 500,000 followers, or is on TV, or whatever.
I think, again, it goes back to you do not have to prove yourself. Be who you are. Show up in all of your authenticity. I mean, I think that word gets played out, but like in your home life, if you can't be your biggest, boldest, brightest self like-
Lauren: Your genuine self?
Rea: ... in your pajamas, drinking coffee at nine o'clock in the morning, as you are maybe in your job or whatever it is. That's the lesson, I think, is just to show up as you are not as other people expect you to be or comparing yourself in way.
Lauren: It's so interesting that you bring that up because that, actually, was a lesson I had to learn. Actually, that was a big lesson last year and I would term it, the way I called it, was unifying the polarities.
Rea: Yes
.Lauren: My husband, for years, had said to me, he was like, I got to talk with my hands to do this. He was like, "Who you are on television and who you are at home, are two different people." And he was like, "I just wish people could see you the way I see you." He said this to me, he said, "You will not show that to people."
Rea: Oh.
Lauren: And, so, that was kind of like all this stuff I was doing with a lot last year, it was my own course correction. 36-years-old and I realized my work in the year was to unify the polarities.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: So little by little I began showing up as the real Lauren.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: Instead of there being television Lauren and home Lauren, and never the two shall meet, that's who I was.
Rea: Oh, that's so interesting.
Lauren: And, well, here's why I thought I would not be accepted as real Lauren. Because, in my mind, I'd only been hired, rehired, promoted. Going through my career, I thought I would only be okay if I maintained that expectation.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: But I had to just break myself of it. And little by little I started to show up, truly, to work every day as, "What, do I really want?"
Not, "What do my bosses want or not."
Or not, "What do my co-workers think I'm going to be?" I need to be real Lauren today, and then little by little I put a little bit more of my true self into my anchoring. So who am I showing up on TV as because that was a whole another level too. Not just who am I showing up to this building as, but who am I going on to television as?
And, so, even though we all might see someone who has a huge social following and say, "Well, they've got it figured out." Yes, they can be themselves because, in your words, they have an audience.
Rea: Sure.
Lauren: I would, almost, counter with it takes great courage to be who you truly are.
Rea: And that's all we need to be doing. I mean, that's the thing, I feel like there's so much pressure and you have a very unique situation. Because you are presenting and it's like, "I could never show up and be a news anchor with a shaved head." I mean, it wouldn't happen.
Lauren: Well, I'm an employee of another company. So I'm also a representation of their brand, so I don't get to be Lauren Lowrey brand.
Rea: Right.
Lauren: So that's part of it, too, is how do I be myself but still be a representative of someone else.
Rea: Completely, and, I think, a lot of people can, really, relate to that. They might not be on TV but, maybe, they have to show up in their corporate job a certain way. And I just reached a point where I'm like, "I've set my life up where I run the show and I answer to-"
Lauren: You are, literally, the boss.
Rea: Yes, I'm the boss. So why am I going to pretend to be anyone other than who I am, and my whole life, I mean, I've really attached my value to accomplishment, and accolades, being praised. Even though I wouldn't, really, feel that praise, I would just brush it off.
So I've just done a lot of work and a lot of inner child work, and reparenting, and all of that. And it just feels so good to just be comfortable in your own skin. Even if I put, again, I'm not a makeup person and my daughter is always like... We went out to a show last night and I was in a jumpsuit, bare face, and she really wanted to go. It was eight o'clock and I was like, "I don't want to go across town."And I was like, "I got to go put makeup on."
She was like, "No, do not put makeup on, you do not need makeup." So I didn't, and we just threw on some glasses, put my hair up, we went out and it was great. And just stepping into this is who I am, this is how I feel, this is how I want to show up in the world, and not worrying about anything else.
Lauren: There's so much power in that. And that's why I'm saying, like I said this earlier, and I think it applies again. But, I think, it applies here too, is that when each of us chooses to show up as our real self, we also give other people permission to do it.
Plus, I think, it's almost like it feels safer to others. Because then they say, "Oh, I see who this person is now. I mean, this is who this person is." So, then, they also give you permission. They give the permission back to you of like, "Yes, you can." It's an affirming practice, I think, when we step into who we are.
Rea: But one of my biggest pet peeves about the way we live our lives now is we're so voyeuristic. Which has always been my issue with social media like, "Am I going to spend 10 minutes of my one wild and precious life watching someone on a sailboat or going to the grocery store? Or am I going to like spend time journaling, or with my child, or whatever it is."
And, I think, that's the thing we do look, constantly, for permission instead of realizing like, "Hey, you are the only one who can give yourself permission. And stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing, and figure out what you, actually, want to be doing." We do not spend enough time doing that, and it's the answer to everything, literally, everything.
Lauren: We have no idea how to do it. So let's you and I create, right now in our minds, what's like the list of how to do that? My step number one would be-
Rea: Put your phone away.
Lauren: Put your phone down, exactly. Step one, put your phone down. Look around, "Oh, look at that there's a nice looking person who just walked in."
"Oh, and look at that person. That person looks like they don't feel well." I mean, and just observe, we never observe.
Rea: Be an observer.
Lauren: Present moment, put your phone down.
Rea: I mean, the first time my husband and I did this, we're not religious, but we did this Sabbath ritual. So for 48 hours we put our phones away, we turned them off and put them in a drawer. And what happened, it was the most eye-opening thing with the quality time, actually, listening in a conversation.
Because studies have shown, if you have your phone anywhere near you, you, actually, are not paying attention, you're not engaged. It's a slot machine in our pocket. It is the most addictive thing in our lives. What other thing are you going to reach for 400 times a day? Nothing.
Lauren: It's shocking.
Rea: You would never reach for a drug, or alcohol, or anything that many times.
Lauren: But it's permissible in our culture, so we do it.
Rea: Of course it is. But when you don't have the option, when I didn't have the option for that phone. My daughter and I went on a hike and I drove without plugging in my phone, putting on Waze and I had to, actually, pay attention and memorize street names and where I was going.
I had done that drive so many times, but I, actually, took a couple of wrong turns because I do not pay attention because I don't have to. Think about it, so my daughter and I were walking, we were talking, we were so engaged and she would ask a question to something. And normally, now, in our culture, too, it's like you don't have to think about anything.
Lauren: You just ask the phone.
Rea: "I'm going to ask Google what it is." So I realized that it just gave me permission to think again. To be a thinking, feeling, human being.
And we have done that in our household, lately, because we reached a point with my daughter. Where she has an iPod and she listens to podcasts, literally, all the time.
Lauren: As a 10-year-old?
Rea: As a 10-year-old, [Crosstalk 00:57:58] in the world. So she will come in and spout facts, but she does it when she's bored she will consume. So she will listen to a podcast, want to watch something, play her Switch or eat actually.
So we just kept noticing how she would just consume and get so angry if she didn't have that thing, and she wasn't consuming. So we've, recently, just stopped all of that, put more boundaries around it, but for ourselves too.
Lauren: Yes, you have to model that behavior.
Rea: You do. I mean, at 40, sometimes, I want, at the end of the day, to just watch something stupid on TV and not go be super engaged with my child. You know what I mean?
Lauren: Of course you do.
Rea: So there is a balance, but she has been a different child just with those few boundaries. The time that we get to spend together, she's sleeping better, interacting better, and we all do. We've never brought our phones into our room. We don't bring any electronic, we have no electronics in our bedroom, we're super woo-woo.
We have the lights and their crystals, and all of the thing to, really, down-regulate our systems. When you were putting that artificial light, I mean, our circadian rhythms are so messed up. Our melatonin is so messed up and no one thinks that this is a really big deal.
Lauren: Some people do.
Rea: But our children's hormones, if you have children, it's serious. I mean, it, really, does matter. So, I think, the number one thing is to put your phone away and to see how you feel.
Lauren: Notice what changes. Notice what's different.
Rea: And most people I know who've done this and put their phones away, they, actually, didn't freak out. They didn't think about social media. They didn't think about email. They weren't thinking about like, "Oh, God who's texting me? What am I missing?" It was just this immense relief that they felt, which is so important.
Lauren: What do you think would be the next step, to then just getting more aware?
Rea: Putting it away and taking time. You might not be a journaler, you might not want to meditate. But just figure out how you are, actually, feeling in the moment. Drop into your body and get out of your mind.
Lauren: "What am I noticing?"
"Where do I feel that?"
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: Yes, it's so interesting, so few people, actually, know how to do that. I was even walking yesterday and it's funny because I don't often activate my heart space.
Rea: Yes, same.
Lauren: I always feel everything is in my gut. Everything is in that, I mean, I would just call it the third chakra, I don't know what else to call it, in the Splenic Authority I guess.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: But I feel everything there. Well, yesterday I was walking and I was so full of joy.
Rea: Oh, it's the best. That's your heart, very open heart.
Lauren: And I felt, truly, the word that kept coming to my mind was victorious. And here's why because I feel like I'm finally getting better. Because I had a terrible August where I was hospitalized multiple times and it was a terrible time.
But it was an enlightening time and a life-changing time. And, so, to get to this point where I feel victorious, where I have beaten this physical issue. I've also overcome myself. I feel victorious in my heart, I'm telling you, I could feel like this beam of light shooting out my heart space. I was in the trees, it's just something I do. I love to go hike and I'll tell my husband before I go, "I need to be in the trees."
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: It's just something that calls to me, I have to be out in nature. And, so, to feel that, to feel my heart so activated, which it never gets activated in that way.
Rea: It's the best.
Lauren: Was like holy crap. I guess my point is you have to feel where you feel things. Where are you feeling it?
Are you feeling it in your shoulders?
Are you feeling it in your neck?
Are you feeling it in your stomach?
Are you feeling it? I mean where? Where are you feeling things? Sometimes people feel things all through their legs because they're not feeling very grounded.
Rea: Completely.
Lauren: Our bodies speak to us, we have to get back into them.
Rea: Oh we have to. And, I think, if you are open to a healing journey, in some capacity, finding that modality that, really, resonates with you. So, for me, it's, definitely, breathing and voice activation-
Lauren: The energy work, too, it's been super-
Rea: Yes, but sound healing, a favorite thing on earth. The way I can get when I go do a sound healing, which people do with crystal bowls, and you can, definitely, listen to some sound healing on Spotify or whatever. I don't think it activates the same way. But it's like every cell in my body is just moving, and buzzing, and vibrating, and I haven't found much that activates me on that level.
So finding things that just make you feel good. Like at the end of the night, and yes this goes into the self-care bucket, but I do an Epsom salt bath every single night and read in it. That's also very good for detox and all that negative energy that you might have picked up along the way because we do.
Lauren: Oh, yes, we take it in.
Rea: Whether you are woo-woo or not you absorb energy all day long.
Lauren: Oh, I mean, think about when you're around someone, they're in a bad mood-
Rea: Oh, it's the worst.
Lauren: ...and after you're with them then you're in a bad mood. Bring awareness to that, you just absorbed their energy.
Rea: You did. And we live in a household, so my husband, actually, he does not do well with my energy or my daughter who's a manifesting generator. Because we're just up and so energetic and he's a non-energy being, so he can be, we call him, our last name's Hoggin but, but we call him headling Hoggin because he's just moody and walking through.
And, so, I can be in the best mood and we each have our own little, tiny homes. He has a studio, I have a studio on our acre lot, and we go do our breathwork practice in the morning. And I can come in being so Zen and whatever. And if he doesn't respond the way I want or is in a bad mood, it throws me off. So I'm, really, learning, though to be responsible for my own moods, my own energy. Instead of just, man, we deflect.
Lauren: We deflect all the time.
Rea: And that's what I'm, really, learning, too, is just like, "Oh, my daughter, when she gets angry she's a mirror for me and I'm afraid of my own anger, not hers. And, so, it's just a learning and you can't learn about the people in your household or even about yourself if you are constantly distracted.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: I mean, I think, if you can just minimize distractions, even if it's for an hour a day, a few minutes a day, you start to, actually, spend time with yourself, which we don't do anymore.
Lauren: So I'm thinking through all the things you and I have talked about and I'm thinking, "Well, what's the lesson here?" And I'm thinking there's a few lessons. I'm thinking, well, first of all, bring some awareness. Get out of your head, get into your body. Number one, get out of your head, get into your body.
Number two, what are the things that are distracting you from getting out of your head and into your body? And, I think, probably, the biggest offender is the phone, number one. And while these things sound so simple, I don't think many people are doing these things.
Rea: Consistently.
Lauren: Because I will tell you there was a point, in my own life because I have three children and there was a point in my own life-
Rea: I don't know how you do it.
Lauren: I mean, I'm limping through it.
Rea: Oh, my God.
Lauren: But there was a point where I'd hear people say like, "Oh, I take a bath, or I do this, or I do that." And I'm like, "Who has time to do that?" But I've now gotten to a place, in my own life, where I go, "I don't have time not to."
Rea: Exactly.
Lauren: Which is I can't afford not to do these things for myself. Because, guess what, if I don't, I'm in a bad place. So we all, like, limping along as not the parent we want to be because we're not our full selves.
Rea: And we're mindless, we go through our days mindless. We mindlessly scroll. We mindlessly get from point A to point B instead of being mindful. And asking yourself, just stopping before you pick up that phone, before you scroll, before you get lost in this sea, like, "What do I, actually, need?" It, really, is that simple, but doing it consistently. Not trying it one time because we will do anything to revert back to our comfort zone.
Lauren: Yes.
Rea: And nothing good comes from the comfort zone. I mean, the thing is if you want real change and evolution, it's hard, you have to get uncomfortable, but it all leads to a better place.
Lauren: Yes, and that's what we're here to do.
Rea: Yes, that's the message.
Lauren: That's what AMPstigator is all about is the positive change that gets people to a different place, the place they want to be.
Rea: Yes.
Lauren: Rea, thank you for being here.
Rea: Thank you for having me, this was so fantastic.
Lauren: I have to tell you, I started doing some of the things that Rea reminded me about with my phone, for example, and I noticed a big difference. When I get home from work it is later and my kids only get about an hour and a half with me before they go to bed.
So I do make a conscious effort to leave my phone in the kitchen. Take off my Apple Watch so I don't get notifications, or texts, or anything. And then I'm, really, with them and focused on them the whole time.
It's also important, to me, that I decompress but even more so that they know they get my complete attention when we're together. Because I just feel this so deeply, they deserve quality time with me.
They deserve to feel my love and attention. And another thing I, really, love about Rea is seeing her so, unapologetically, in her authenticity gives me major permission to embrace mine. I mean, everything about her is unconventional and I just love it.
Plus, I love that through her work as a writer and with her Writeway company, she is, really, helping, mainly, women live out their purpose through a book. I mean, it's just incredible.
So I encourage you think about what you learned today. Where are you trying to prove yourself that you don't need to? And where do you need to set some major boundaries for yourself?
How much time are you spending staring at your phone, when you could be resting, or noticing, or creating, or meditating? Just try it for three days, see what changes for you.
[01:08:03] < Outro >
Lauren: I'm so glad you joined me for another encouraging episode of AMPstigator. In the next few weeks, I've got some great episodes coming up with some more dear friends. I'll be so excited to share those with you.
But for next week, I am going to be back with a solo episode to inspire and make you think, deeply, about your life and how you're living. How deeply you're connecting with purpose, and how we can deepen that even more in our day to day. And, for now, I encourage you, shine your light, lead with your heart, and live life purposefully.
I'm Lauren Lowrey, and this is AMPstigator.
[01:08:43] < Music >
