The Dryes are "The Soulmates"
Apr 12, 2022April 12th, 2022
AMPstigator
Season 2, Ep. 2: The Dryes, The Soulmates
Summary:
Katelyn and Derek Drye are a singing/songwriting duo in Nashville. They’ve been writing and performing music together since they first started dating 16 years ago. What sets them apart is the emotions they capture in their music, touching poignantly on love and loss.
Recently, CMT began playing their music videos and the reception has been huge for songs like Dolly Would -an ode to Dolly Parton- and House on Fire, a love song that encourages you to step away from the stress of responsibility and return to the young love that started it all.
But their path hasn’t been easy. They’ve struggled with loss and an industry that isn’t quite sure what to do with them. But they aren’t deterred because they’re doing it together.
In this episode, Katelyn and Derek talk at length about writing songs that explore grief and loss, as well as being faithful to the craft that got them this far.
This episode is for you if:
-You love stories of couples who are doing incredible things together
-Want to know what it's like starting out in the music industry in Nashville
-Need encouragement in your creative process
-Want to hear music that makes you feel less alone
What's in this episode?
Starting out in the music biz isn't easy. Katelyn and Derek describe the help from family and friends when they first moved to Nashville. They also discuss writing and performing together as a married couple and the level of trust it requires.
The pair has also experienced a great deal of loss, which comes through in their music. At the age of 8 months old, Derek's mother died by suicide. He had never heard his mother's voice until they found old video tapes of her a few years ago. It inspired the song "War" which has garnered millions of streams.
Katelyn also describes the feeling she gets when a song is particularly vulnerable. It's often how she knows the song will touch the hearts of their fans.
The Dryes also play the AMPstigator Best Time/Worst Time game where they describe their purpose here and now.
📝 Show Notes & Mentions 📝
War, The Dryes
Yes, The Dryes
White's Creek, The Dryes
Dolly Would, The Dryes
Connect with The Dryes
Website
Instagram
Youtube
Chapters
(corresponding to the video version, linked here)
0:00 - Intro
1:00 - Why Lauren loves The Dryes
2:02 - The Dryes’ first few years in Nashville
4:32 - The sacrifices they made in the early days
5:41 - Learning to be faithful in the small
10:06 - What’s it like doing music together
11:24 - Trusting your partner
14:36 - Writing the song “Yes”
18:50 - Purpose in their music
21:44 - Katelyn’s battle with grief and loss
27:55 - Songwriters use songs to heal
28:02 - How The Dryes know when they have a meaningful song
29:44 - Writing the song “War”
34:36 - Best Time/Worst Time
35:02 - Writing the song “White’s Creek”
37:57 - The turning point in their lives
41:05 - Their greatest moment of clarity
43:42 - Something about their nature they’ve had to overcome
46:59 - The Dryes’ purpose
50:57 - How they describe their songs
51:58 - Writing the song “Dolly Would”
Episode transcript
(Taken from the video episode, linked here)
[00:00:00] < Music>
Lauren: Katelyn and Derek Drye are a singing and songwriting duo right here in Nashville. They've been writing and performing music together since they first started dating, and that was about 15 years ago. They both sing beautifully. But it is the emotions they capture in their music that really sets them apart.
They write about things you really only experience in a committed relationship, all the ups and the downs. And recently, CMT has started playing their music, and the reception has been huge. But their path hasn't been an easy one.
They've really struggled with loss, and an industry that isn't really quite sure what to do with them. But they aren't deterred, because they're doing it together. This is Katelyn and Derek Drye, The Soulmates.
<Intro>
Lauren: Okay, you guys, thanks for being here.
Derek: Howdy, good to see you again.
Lauren: It's so nice to see you. Just like you're mentioning, we did a story together for the news station here where I work in Nashville.
Katelyn: We are favorites
Lauren: A few months ago and it was just, I mean, it was really an excuse for me to meet you guys. Because I had heard your music and I was like, "Who are these people?"
Derek: Oh, my God!
Lauren: Because truly your soul is in those songs and they jump out every time, it just jumps out to me.
Katelyn: That's amazing.
Lauren: Because your songs are different because of the place where you wrote them. So today, I just really want to talk about that. About your journey to getting to this place, where you're churning out music that only you could have written. When I explain, you guys, I talked about how you've had to kind of create your own lane, right? A lot of people come into the city to do something by themselves. Not many people come in to do things together. And you've had to create your sound as a husband and wife.
Katelyn: Yep.
Lauren: So, okay, let's start there.
Derek: I'm overwhelmed already, in a good way.
Lauren: Wow, okay, all right, let's do this. Tell us when you got to this town and though what those first, I don't know, first few years were like together and trying to make it.
Derek: Oh, gosh, I'd say they were kind of hard, building community in a place that we've never been, don't even hold a job type thing. We were staying with some family friends and thank the Lord for them. But we were just kind of [Inaudible 00:02:25]
Katelyn: Start a new place, start a new ground.
Derek: We had the outcomes of wanting to write a great song, you know what I mean? But we didn't. We had a little muscle memory for how to do that, but we didn't know what that everyday life was like in a co-writing city like Nashville.
Katelyn: Mh-hmm.
Derek: And that wasn't really existent back home, so we knew we had a connection there. We just take a few steps to try it and it was hard at first.
Lauren: I like the way you say it takes a few steps, I mean, you've been at this for 10 years, right? 10 years plus now, right?
Derek: Actually about 16.
Lauren: 16?
Katelyn: Well, we've known each other for 15 years, in April it'll be 15 years, and we started doing music together about three months in dating.
Lauren: Okay.
Katelyn: So it's like, I don't know, I mean, we moved with everything in one car when we came to Nashville.
Lauren: From North Carolina?
Katelyn: Yap, and our cat, us and our cat in the Jeep Cherokee and whatever we could fit, the rest went into storage and it's just been crazy. I mean, we moved not knowing what either of us would do job wise, but we knew we had to work, to figure out, we want to get our own apartment not live with our friends forever here.
And they knew that but they believed in us and said, "Stay here as long as you can, until you get your feet wet." And we began like working odd jobs and just getting our feet wet in the city is what we always say. And it's just been, I mean, actually, I said to him the other night, I was like, "It's pretty cool to look back from that day." That was in 2014 when we moved here. "To now how much things have grown for us." It's, actually, really cool. And it's a good reminder when we have moments of discouragement.
Lauren: And you guys just released another song, recently, in February, that was just amazing.
Katelyn: Thank you.
Lauren: And I feel like when I met you, initially, you guys were about to release it, then you're like, "Oh, no, no, we are going to hold it."
Katelyn: We have to wait.
Lauren: "We are going to hold it, it's going to be a Valentines' release." I'm like, "Okay, I get it." But I just love that there's so much that people can celebrate about you right now. We know where you are currently, but I just want to stay in this past point for a moment. Because part of what I like to do with this podcast, is help people understand it's not all butterflies and roses.
It's easy to look at somebody and see success and say, "Wow, I could never do that, I could never be that." But somewhere along the way you had to make a choice to do all the hard things, to get to that point, to follow what you wanted to do. And I know in some ways that was nannying for you and wasn't it the Agile Store for you? You had to do that.
So how were you thinking and what was the self-talk, even, at that time where you're like, "I got to do this now, but this isn't forever." To be focused on that. So walk me through that part?
Derek: Honestly, whether we're talking about our relationship or songwriting, I mean, those are different subjects. But they kind of come together one and the same when we're talking about inspiration and feelings and being led by our feelings. And the opposite of that which culture could define as hard work and just showing up, and all that.
But I mean, I feel like we've known what was on our heart in a lot of ways for the type of songs we want to do. But it's hard to just have that path laid out whether we're talking 2014, and sometimes now in 2022.
But I feel like the main thing that has changed is that we've inspiration happens more, because we literally put it in our calendar. We don't feel inspired to show up every Monday at 10 a.m. for a co-write or whatever, and especially if it's a new person.
Some of that's very exciting, but if we're not feeling it that day, honestly, it's like, "Okay, we're going to open up to a stranger." We got to spend three or four hours book-in the song." Preparing the track and all that and they sent it to their publisher, and kind of put it on the song mountain to see if it'll come down and be released, if that makes sense?
Lauren: Song mountain? I like that.
Derek: Yeah. So, I mean, honestly, just making room and showing up for that has been like, by nature of doing that inspiration just happens more often. And I didn't realize that at all when we moved here, because we wanted to write based on what we feel alone.
Lauren: What feels true, right?
Derek: Yeah, and there's a truth to that, for sure.
Katelyn: I was going to say something that I used to, I was really thinking when you asked that. I was picturing what it was like when I nannied and because I was discouraged a lot. I had friends getting signed left and right and here I was, which it's fun I was where I was at for that season. But like I was pushing kids on the stroller taking them on walks and I'm like, "I'm sitting here, my friend just got signed and I'm babysitting." And I want to be doing that.
So I had to constantly remind myself that we all start somewhere. And something I used to tell myself back then was, "This is for a purpose. Do this well, serve this family right now in the best way that I can. Do things that they don't even ask me to do."
Because I feel like this will lead to, if I can be faithful with the small, like me just babysitting a kid for the day, if that's what I have to do. If I can do that well and show up and do that to my best ability. I know that it will be honored sometime down the line in our music. And that seems weird but I had to tell myself that all the time.
Lauren: I don't think it feels weird, I think, I mean, there's Scripture of that, right?
Katelyn: Yeah.
Lauren: You have to be faithful in the small, right? You have to show that you are a good steward of those things. And maybe we're not even talking about gifts and talents, you're talking about just taking what you've got and being grateful.
Katelyn: Yeah.
Lauren: How much do you think gratitude, how do you think gratitude has played into even those points where you're like, "God, this is not right, but good Lord, I got to still be grateful in this."
Katelyn: Yeah, I think gratefulness is what makes miracles happen, I really believe that. And there's been plenty, I mean, plenty of times in my life where I have not felt grateful. And I've started speaking things of complaining where I'm just like huffing and puffing. And literally, it'll take him reminding me like, "Hey, you should change your speech, because you're, actually, putting that in the atmosphere right now."
Lauren: Yeah. And you're like, "Ooh!"
Katelyn: But then then I realize and I'm like, "Whoa, that's true." And then I noticed in our life, the times we've spoken out that we've been grateful for stuff or, "Thank you for this, even though, it's not what I want to be doing." Something beautiful comes from it and I think it's everything. I think gratefulness is the key. Honestly, gratefulness and generosity are the two keys to life to be content, I really believe that.
Lauren: You get what you give. So if that's what you're giving, if those are the seeds you're planting, I mean, that's what you're going to get.
Derek: Yeah, totally. I want to say it comes back equal part or exponentially, and I believe it does, it's just never the way I expect. And I think there are times for us to sit in the dark for sure. I never want to stay there, if that makes sense. But I also don't want to cover up something that needs to be said, by just saying what we're grateful for. I feel like that's maybe antithetical to what we might have just said, but I think...
Lauren: I don't think so. I think there's a balance to all of it.
Derek: Does it make sense?
Lauren: I do think there's a balance to all of it.
Derek: Yeah, because I mean, we've had therapy in the last year because of some hard things we've gone through in our families and all that. And it's just been really amazing to learn how to, I guess, just create that space for each other, and me as a husband definitely wants to articulate the solution or fix it. And that's definitely not the first step, I've learned so much. Just sitting in the dark with her rather than just turning on the light has been kind of great for us.
Lauren: What's it's been doing this journey together? I mean, there's so much unknown when you enter in music city, trying to work in music but you have a partner in that. How has that been different from, you think, the experiences of even some of your friends that you do co-writes with? Who are the only musical one in their family, maybe?
Katelyn: We talk about this, actually, a lot. I always tell Derek, "I'm so thankful I have you to help me with this decision we have to make or this song." When we write a song we love do we release it or is it just one that we wrote, and maybe it just sits like, forever?
I'm so thankful I have him because I did music when I first graduated high school, by myself, before I met him and it's just not as fun as it is with him, honestly, it's not. And I'm so thankful even this morning on the way here, we were like, "We get to do this kind of stuff together. It's not just me going in by myself or you." We have each other to bounce ideas off of and honestly, it's pretty crazy. If I really think about it, I'm like, "I can't believe we get to do that."
Derek: The level of compromises is a necessity for sure.
Katelyn: Yeah.
Lauren: Okay, well, what kind of compromise? Let's hear.
Derek: I mean, I guess from the start just trusting the other person's motive. I feel like it's, obviously, not an easy task when you're first starting to date and also mix it with music. I mean, it's a terrible combination, in some ways.
But fortunately, I would say that we dated for a good while before we really did music together and all that. I mean, I feel like there's something, I feel like the word purity comes to mind. But it's not like a behavioral or weird abstinence kind of purity, there's nothing churchy about what I'm trying to say.
But you're trusting their motive more than anything and the opposite of that is what living in suspicion. Living in suspicion that they're going to mess it up and make you look bad and all that. And I don't feel like we had to fight through that a ton, but I mean, I feel like it's because honestly, we have our individual things that allow us to get centered. I go rock climbing and I go hang out with my buddies, and I make time for myself to where I'm mentally available for her and sometimes I don't get time to do that.
Katelyn: But we had a really good friend, who is like, one of the best songwriters there is. And I remember a lot, this was back in 2015, we met with her about some of our songs. And we're like, "What do you think?" And there was this one song that he had started writing that I was just like, "I just don't know, I really don't feel like we should do this." I was very much like, "My opinion matters the most right now." And we shared this with our friend-
Lauren: Shared the song or the emotion?
Katelyn: The song and the emotion kind of, but mostly the song. And she was like, "Actually, I like this idea a lot." And she is a very well-known songwriter. And then I ended up, actually, fully telling her I was like, "I, actually, thought my idea was better and I was totally squashing it." And she was like, "Well, you're going to have to realize that his ideas are better than yours sometimes." And she was like, "And Derek, you're going to have to realize that Katelyn has better ideas and you're just going to have to give into that." And I think I've remembered that in so many areas, whether it's with a music video, or an idea or a photoshoot, whatever we're doing. It's like trusting that sometimes I just go, "All right, I'm just going to trust you with that, let's just move forward with that." If that makes sense.
Derek: That's probably the hardest part even, individually, as a producer, because always you believe that something can always be better. But at the same time if you keep believing that you're never going to put the song out, you're never going to do this or whatever. And it's that perfection thing that is either individual or as a couple, I feel like we have to dial it in and trust each other. That's why I feel like our advantage is to say, we almost get affirmation in that way. Okay, the song is done, I think we've said what we need to say, then let's just tie a bow on it.
Lauren: I love that. So when I think about the things that you guys say. I think, one of the things that's so intriguing to me about you is that you've come to a town and you're writing music, but most music is not written for a female and a male to be featured prominently.
And I'm sure you realized that pretty quickly and you said, "Wow, the only way to make this work is to do our own stuff." So you really had to hone your craft to create things that worked for your voice, and worked for your voice and really highlighted both of not just your vocal chops but then also showed heart and I love that about what you're doing.
I mean, the things that you're writing about are filling a space that I don't think is really filled. Because how many people are writing songs that really pull out the heart and the intimacy of a committed relationship? I mean, it's just, but you do it in a way that is not boring.
Derek: That's right, that's the goal.
Katelyn: Oh, such a compliment, thank you.
Lauren: You're doing it so, So the little things that, I think, bothered me, for example, your song, "Yes" I feel like I'm going to cry every time I listen to "Yes". Because it's like, okay, when you get in a committed relationship with someone, you are saying yes to all of it. You're saying, "Yes" to the good, "Yes" to the terrible, "Yes" to all their crap, but then "Yes" to giving them all you are, right"
The Dryes: ♪ Yes to every cutting word
♪ We wish we never said
♪ Yes to laying down our hurt
♪ Then makin’ up in bed
♪ Yes to our whole lifetime of forgivin’ to forget
♪ You have my, Yes
Lauren: So tell me about where that song came from, what kind of headspace you guys were in when you were writing it?
Katelyn: I'll start, I visually went into the writing room that day. I think we had had, honestly, I'm trying to remember-
Derek: I had a dream, actually.
Katelyn: Yes, that was it. I was like it was either-
Derek: Now, I'm trying to remember the dream?
Katelyn: Yes, you had a dream and it was with, actually, the writer I was just talking about, who was, initially, the girl we talked about, was with her and a guy named Jacob Cedar. And they're both married and we all went to the write that day. He had had a dream about our anniversary.
Derek: Yeah, it's like we were on a cruise ship and we're celebrating our anniversary. And the dream something to the extent of-
Katelyn: Me leaving you or something like that.
Derek: Yeah, you were just done. Even though we're on a cruise ship celebrating our anniversary. It was one of those dreams that I feel like it's the pepperoni pizza the night before, because it didn't make sense. You know what I mean? Like, it didn't make sense and I couldn't make sense of it. So I woke up and I was just taking the notes, and I write all my thoughts down.
Katelyn: He was like writing a novel when I walked into the kitchen, I'm like, "What are you...?" And he was like, "I just had this crazy dream like it was," and our anniversary was coming up that week. And I was like, "What?" And he was like, "You were, actually, leaving me. We were celebrating our anniversary and you were about to leave."
Derek: Yeah, I'd like to say it was an epiphany dream, but in the moment, I was like, "What, the hell just happened?"
Katelyn: Well, he literally, told me about it and then I read through, because he's such a note taker anyway, he's always writing down everything. And I said, "Well, we need to write a song about this." And, so, that's when we contacted our friend Mia and Jacob. And we went into the writing room that day and I believe all of us had had like stories about the decision to choose every day. And we wrote it that day, I mean, I think we wrote it in like an hour and a half. And I remember when we did the demo, I recorded my vocal right there afterwards, and I think I cried. I'm remembering like that day-
Derek: It was one of those for sure.
Katelyn: Because it was just like, we've always wanted to write songs about hope. And we are a married couple, so we want to make commitment, beautiful and sexy for people.
Because a lot of times it's not looked at that way. And so when we go to write a song like that, we want to be real. I don't want to just be, like you said, butterfly and sunshine.
I don't want it to just be like, "I love you, and no matter what you do I'll always love you." I want it to be like for better for worse and when we make up in bed, I want to talk about those real things. Like vulnerability is hard, and so when you go there I want it to be real for people, so that they're not just listening to something like, "Okay, cool, your marriage is perfect, he's got a little fight." I want it to be real. And so hopefully with that song, even "House on Fire" is the same thing.
Lauren: Totally, is totally the same thing.
Katelyn: We want it to be like real talk not just a love song, if that makes sense.
Lauren: I mean, well, yeah, it makes sense because I feel it. And I felt that in your music, which is why I'm like, "I just feel like so magnetized to you guys." There's really no way for me to say it other than that. Just really hearing your music and feeling like this magnetic pull, because, I think, you demonstrate something that I talk about and write a lot about which is one of the truths of purpose. When people are living in purpose one of those things is like there's a magnetism to that. Because I just feel like a lot of people don't do it. Most people don't make the choice to be unconventional or to follow purpose or to pursue what it is that their heart is really telling them to do. Most of us don't do it, because it's hard.
Katelyn: Yeah, it's really hard.
Lauren: It's easier to just go with the flow do what someone has said to do, and just keep on going. But you've chosen to do something hard. Has that been rewarding or has that been crazy or what has that been like for all of you?
Katelyn: All of the... A, B, C, and D yes.
Derek: I would say we experience more desire. It's kind of, like I said, with songwriting, just kind of a lightbulb moment right now. But by showing up, we're not inspired to write the song, but just by showing up for each other in our relationship desire happens more often. Because it's like, "Wow, you did that for me." Or vice versa, hopefully.
Katelyn: I think the hard things in the moment are when people don't get it. Because sometimes people don't get it.
Lauren: Like who? I mean the songwriters?
Katelyn: Industry. I think a lot of times people don't-
Derek: Song writers do.
Katelyn: ...oh, songwriters always get what we're doing in the lane we're in. But I think sometimes industry doesn't know what to do with Derek and I because we're married couple, and they've had other married couples that have not done well or whatever, or fight in the room constantly, or whatever it is. And I think those kinds of disappointments are just like, "Well, just hang out with us, just come and hang or let's go have a drink." That's the hard-
Derek: She is one the guys in a lot of ways. She wanted a cigar before dinner, and a bonfire, and whisky.
Katelyn: I always say, "I'm a girly guy." But those are the hard parts. But I think it's so rewarding, because I see our path. I see the past what we've done and where we are now and I choose to look back at those moments, always, and see how far we've come.
So I think it is major, it's so rewarding for us. And the hard things that I've learned are only to shape us and make us better people, and like treat others the way we want to be treated, not the way we've been treated sometimes. Like always see someone.
Lauren: How old were you when you realize that? Because I do feel that comes at a certain point where you go, "Wait a minute, all this crap is for a purpose, I just have to look at it differently." So when was that?
Katelyn: I would say last year is when I finally realized it. Because I've always dabbled with that, felt like I can choose to see but I still felt discontent.
Derek: Yeah, it's hard to just regurgitate a principle that's been spoken to you.
Katelyn: I mean, last year was the hardest year of my life, on a personal level. Not music, it's, actually, the best year for our music. And, I think, I finally realized last year, and I'm still realizing right now, that life is so short, we're only here a snap of... I mean, life is so short and I'm like, "We only have one shot."
So the little things that I think bothered me so much in the past, I just really don't care, it's going to be okay. We're doing what we're doing, we've already made it in so many ways. I think we're always looking to see, of course, we want to do big things, like I was saying, in the Opry to you second ago and cool stuff like that. But we've already made it. We have a house, we have an amazing family, we're so blessed. I can't even believe we have a house.
Lauren: You're making money doing what you came here to do. So you're being grateful in that.
Katelyn: So I think it was last year for me, honestly, to fully realize it's going to be okay.
Derek: And part of that was grief for you.
Katelyn: Yeah, totally.
Derek: If you want to talk about that?
Katelyn: We can, honey.
Derek: You're right, I think you should.
Katelyn: I mean, last year was crazy, I really don't want to cry. But I have gone through a lot of loss in my life. At a young age I lost good friends all within high school.
And I think being the personality that I have, like always putting a face on and showing up. My personality is very walk in a room and I can change in a minute being around people.
But that was also kind of a curse for me, because when you go through hard things like most people, I feel like I didn't try to deal with them. I would just be sad for like a week and then pack it. But then last year, two little girls in our family passed away and it just triggered me beyond anything, really, ever I've gone through.
Derek: I think it unpacked a lot of, not that you want to make it about that event, about your past trauma, but it kind of flipped the lid off of the things you packed down, I would say.
Katelyn: It was literally like, I'm such a visual, I always see things in like visions. But it was like I had a jar in my inside, this sounds weird, but it was like I had all these feelings my whole life, just packed, backpacked of like disappointment whenever it was-
Lauren: Resentment, anger, rejection.
Katelyn: All of it. And when that happened in May of last year, it's almost been a year now, everything just came up at once. And it was just like, "Well, I don't know what to do with all these feelings and I'm going to have to deal with it right now."
So I think that's part of me, realizing that, like I said, life is so short and all these things that I think are such this big deal with our music. I'm like, "Hold on, let's think about things a little bit longer. Let's think about things more clearly." Like it doesn't, actually, matter, those things, actually, don't matter. All that matters is the moment for us.
And I think last year was one of the hardest years but I can honestly say now my head is above the water. And I truly feel like so much more authority because I've come out the other side, I'm a believer, I still love Jesus coming out of all that.
When I had very dark days of anxiety and just questioning why people have to die, like it's a very real thing. I still don't understand, there's a lot of things I'll never understand on this side of heaven. But I can say I've come out the other side, a stronger person, a stronger songwriter, a stronger artist, stronger wife. And, all the more, I just want to write even more real things.
Lauren: I wonder if that ended up in a song or a transition-
Katelyn: It, actually, did.
Derek: I can think of six.
Katelyn: Well, we've been writing a lot. We have really been writing a lot lately.
Derek: What is that song we wrote last week, "Well, it's the same girl who would never guess," it's called "Longer." What's the bridge? It's like, "The longer you stay, the more that I heal."
Lauren: And, please, by all means, if you want to sing it, you're totally-
Katelyn: Well, I would. I have to sit and think about the chorus for a minute. But it's like, "I don't need you to..." Oh, what is it?
Derek: "I don't need you to fix it."
Katelyn: Yes, "I don't need you to fix it. I don't need you to tell me everything's gonna be all right. I don't need you to tell me hard things make you stronger. I just need you to sit with me a little longer."
Lauren: Oh, my God. That makes me want to cry.
Katelyn: And, so, last year was the hardest year and I didn't know what to say or, really, even like, I couldn't even go there with people. I was just very much still processing and this year, I'm like, "Everything is coming out." Because we've written, probably, six songs in the last like, three weeks, four weeks.
Derek: Something like that.
Katelyn: That have to do with pain and I've always wanted to write real songs. But I think I always, kind of like, would put a bow on things, I don't want to ruffle feathers too much. But now I'm like, "Life is too short, I don't care." People need to know that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel pain, I just want to be real. I want to be real with what I've gone through, because truly someone else has.
Lauren: Yeah, absolutely.
Katelyn: Like surely someone else has felt like they don't want someone to just tell them like, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Like cool.
Lauren: Yeah, there's so much loss in this world right now. Everyone is hearing the same thing and sort of sitting there like, "What do I do now?" And what music is out there for loss? Not much. That's the kind of thing that I'm saying about your music.
There are certainly lots of emotions that are captured in music. Certainly love is captured in music. But what you guys, like, the lane that you're in, is exposing human emotion in a way that hasn't been exposed. Like we feel that, but why isn't it in music? You know what I'm saying? Do you feel that? Because I feel that when I listen to your stuff.
Derek: I feel that, I just have a hard time taking that compliment because it's our ultimate goal.
Lauren: Well, take it.
Derek: Like I would see that for sure it's just like-
Katelyn: Yeah, it is our ultimate goal or idea, it means so much.
Lauren: Let me ask you this, so I was having, this is a few months ago, I was having a conversation with a vocal coach. It was funny because she also writes songs and stuff, and I said to her-
Derek: Is it Sophie?
Lauren: Vanessa, who also works with Sophie. And I just said to her, "Oh..." gosh, how did it go? It was just a conversation about being when songwriters, they feel emotion so deeply, and they must have things really figured out and they must be really good. See just like your face is like, "I know where this is going."
Derek: That's a good one.
Lauren: I said, "You know like they feel emotion so deeply, so they've got it, they're, kind of, airing out that emotion in song and it's beautiful, and they're helping people heal through that." And she was like, "No, no, you've got it all wrong." She is like, "Music and songs ends up being personally focused for their own personal healing.
If it brings healing to others, then that's like a beautiful part to it". But she's like, "Usually, songwriters are the ones who don't have it figured out and they've got real problems." I was like, "Really?"
Katelyn: Well, yeah.
Lauren: So you tell me because you guys do a lot of co-writes, you're songwriters, you also write with other people. What's your experience of people and their ability or inability to express?
Derek: I guess for us it's how we externally process, I would say and it's our therapy in a lot of ways.
Katelyn: Literally, it is our therapy. I don't want to I answer this?
Derek: Try and leave space for you to answer [Inaudible 00:29:24]
Katelyn: I always feel like if I'm in the room with whoever we're writing with, and there's something that we say for maybe a possible line in a song. And it makes me feel very vulnerable and nervous for people to hear it, I'm like that's probably the right direction we should go.
Lauren: Oh, yeah.
Katelyn: And that scares me. Like I remember, this is back in 2018, when we released music, the first time our song, "War" that was one of the most vulnerable songs we had ever written to start.
The Dryes: ♪ If it’s love, then it’s war
♪ It’s worth fighting for
♪ If it’s love then it’s war
♪ We’re worth fighting for
♪ Ohhhh oh ohh
Katelyn: Now we've written a lot. It was like, I remember before we released the video. Because the music video pays tribute to his mom who passed away from suicide.
And my family members in there who have gone on to be... like my grandmother had cancer and, so, we had we put all of our family in it.
I remember just thinking, at the very end, the video, we put this line, like, this message from us that we like, literally wrote out ourselves. And it was like, "Life is short, if you ever need something know that there's people who love you, whatever." And I remember being so nervous to release that music video, because I was like, "It's either going to make people feel like we're depressing people, they don't want to listen to us or it's going to resonate." And I was just like, "Uh, I don't know." And it's been our biggest song.
We've had people all over the world tell us their life, stuff they're going through. That I'm just like, "I've never met you and I don't know if I ever will, but you're telling us your whole life story and asking us to pray for you or to just think about them or whatever." So in rooms where we're writing, I think, when I follow those feelings of this feels really vulnerable, I'm like, "Oh!" But I feel like I need to say it, if that answers your question.
Lauren: Well, it does. And, Derek, what was that like for you writing a song about something that a lot of people don't talk about when someone they love has committed suicide.
Derek: Yeah, sure.
Lauren: So what was that like for you, I mean, it was your mom?
Derek: I think I had a disconnect from the outcome of it, if that makes sense. Part of it is we, actually, we didn't come into the room with that as a song idea. Because I'm like I don't even know how it would have worked. I mean, it could have worked, especially, in hindsight but-
Katelyn: There was one line in the song that was about his mom. It was basically, and the verse was like, "We'll see you again like the sun." That was like about her and my friend, Lauren, who had passed away. But then it quickly, like, right after we wrote it, basically, when we were in the studio recording is when we realized it was like, "Oh, this is for his mom." This whole song is for his mom.
Derek: And that's when I felt like I didn't feel nervous or anything about it. Truthfully, it's always exciting and nervous when you release a song, especially, one so personal, I guess. But it was so obvious how it was purpose-driven in the way that I hadn't even seen these tapes of my mom. And I hadn't even heard her voice until I heard these tapes after we had written the song.
Lauren: How did you find the tapes? I'm just curious.
Derek: They were at my grandma's house, her mom's house.
Katelyn: We were visiting her on Easter Sunday and I said to her, randomly, like, "Do you have any videos of Derek's mom that we could watch." Because I've just never seen her, we've never seen her action we've only seen pictures.
Katelyn: And he was young, young, young, when she died, how old were you?
Derek: Yeah, I was eight-months old.
Katelyn: He never knew her. And then so she said, "Hold on, let me go find them." And she found a box and like, "Let us take them with us." And we went back to my parents, that's where we stay, mostly, when we go to North Carolina to visit and we watched them Easter night.
Lauren: That makes me want to cry, like did you sob? What did you do in that moment?
Katelyn: I did, I really did.
Derek: I thought I would, but I laughed because of how country she was.
Katelyn: She was very country. She was like, "Hey." Like just real southern and we're like, "Wow, that's amazing."
Derek: Yeah, but I mean, the tears came for sure and still do if I watch it today, and as they should. And I feel like your loss too, all of our loss, like whenever we cry and mourn for people like that is the extent of how much we love them. And I'm grateful that I feel that way for my mom. Even though I was eight-months old and didn't know her in a lot of ways, and I just think that's a beautiful perspective, but also just an actual healing in my life and for my family.
Lauren: I love that. You ready to play a little game.
Derek: Yes, of course.
Katelyn: Yes.
Lauren: Questions I like to ask people, and you guys will be different because these is two of you at the same time. So try to answer these as like-
Derek: Collectively?
Lauren: Yeah, collectively.
Derek: Okay, cool, I'll try.
Katelyn: Cool, this should be fun.
Lauren: It's almost like what is that game the newlywed game, where people like-
Derek: That makes sense, I like that.
Katelyn: Like a TikTok reel, where it pops up and it's like answer.
Lauren: Okay, so when was the best time in your life?
Derek: When we bought our house?
Katelyn: Yes.
Lauren: And you have a song about it too, by the way, which I like.
Katelyn: "Whites Creek."
Lauren: But didn't you write that song before you-?
Katelyn: An year before.
Derek: About a year before.
Lauren: It just blows my mind too, writing a song about Whites Creek, and then buying a house in Whites Creek later, it's just kind of like-
Derek: And it was the first house you looked at, all of it is, like, it sounds so stereotypical, but it's how it happened.
Katelyn: But it really happened. We were in the studio recording the song "Whites Creek" that we wrote the week we found the house and got approved for a loan. Which was just like, hilarious but I'm like it was cool.
The Dryes: ♪ Some feel You from a whiskey bottle
♪ Some read You in a dusty bible
♪ But I find You with me
♪ Little house, lovers arms, down in Whites Creek
♪ Some meet You underneath the steeple
♪ Some see You in a crowd of people
♪ But I find You with me
♪ Little house, lovers arms, down in Whites Creek
Derek: We spent a lot of time there in 2020 with some friends and just, really, felt like it felt removed from the city. It's only like, maybe seven minutes from town.
Lauren: It's so cute.
Derek: But we just we just felt drawn to that area, personally, and we just somehow made it happen with God's help, for sure.
Katelyn: That was the best time in our life.
Derek: And our lender, he, got pretty creative. I mean, like, being honest, we were unemployed in 2020, for obvious reasons. But our lender-
Katelyn: Worked it out.
Derek: Based our loan of 2019 taxes and it was like-
Lauren: Oh, nice. And that just goes to show more like you've made a life out of doing this. You have created this thing, and now you've had enough income to be able to buy a house. It's just, kind of, amazing.
Katelyn: Yeah.
Derek: Yeah.
Lauren: When was the worst time in your life?
Katelyn: I would say last year.
Derek: Yeah, I would say that.
Katelyn: 2021.
Derek: Personal strain, for sure.
Katelyn: Yeah, it was crazy because musically it was probably one of the best years. But I think it was like when everything kind of came out with a loss. It was a huge loss in our family and it still is. And I think it was just really hard because I, kind of, just didn't know how to handle all those emotions coming out at once and I felt like I had to deal with it. And so we dealt with it, we got a counselor. And, we're still seeing him, but he's amazing. And it's just been great having that outlet.
Derek: And those are on Zoom, he's in Colorado.
Lauren: Oh, wow.
Derek: It's something about talking on Zoom is pretty nice to just let it all out, there's no social cues that you got to watch out for, and it's nice.
Lauren: Or, "Oh, my God, everyone's staring at me right now as I absolutely lose my mind on this couch." I like that.
Derek: It's nice.
Lauren: Okay, when was a turning point for you? Was there a point where everything changed from this moment?
Derek: I would say sitting in the dark with each other and learning how to have that space to grieve. Without, again, just flipping the light on whatever that solution is, you know what I mean? To make the other person feel better and not that we didn't try to make each other feel better. But what we used to do is just regurgitate statements.
Katelyn: Like, "It's all going to be okay."
Derek: Like, "Something better is going to come out of this" or whatever. I'm almost embarrassed to say that now, but to be honest, it was where we were at, at the time, and we've learned how to just sit in that space. And I don't know, it's hard to articulate, but just getting that space for healing, like really, allows you to talk about it.
Katelyn: So last year, sorry babe I didn't mean to interrupt. But last year, on top of that loss with our family, in December, I think it was a turning point, I actually got mono, I was very sick. Our cat who is like my child almost died, she had this crazy surgery. And so I think everything was just like turmoil, the whole year was just like, the end of the year was just turmoil.
And I remember sitting in the parking lot at the vet while she was in surgery, and just being like, "What, the hell... what is, literally, happening right now."
I remember the sun was setting and I could see the sky to my right. And I remember at that moment, I felt in my spirit, it's going to be okay, no matter what, it's going to be okay. And I don't know what it was about the sunset, I think it was like, "I'm not in control of anything." Like, it's going to be another day tomorrow.
Lauren: Yeah, the sun will rise the sun will set.
Katelyn: The sun will set, I'm going to be okay. And I think that was a huge turning point for me, for us, because that was when I started to see hope again, if that makes sense.
Lauren: Yeah, and it's hard, when you're in a married, committed relationship, you want nothing more than for the other person to be happy. But that's not something you can do for her and that's not something she can do for you. And that happiness is something she has to find on her own and you have to find on your own.
Derek: That's right, that's good.
Lauren: So I know what that pain is like too, obviously, being a married woman, I understand that pain. So what was that like when she finally was like, "I'm not drowning anymore." How was that for you?
Derek: Well, part of it is grief shows up whenever it wants. So, not to say that we're never going to be out of it. But again, how much you love that person it's obviously good to mourn and cry about those people that you've lost in your childhood, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like part of that is good to maintain an awareness of. But to your point, like, when she climbed out of that pit was really nice to feel like we could both breathe, and have new tools to navigate that.
Katelyn: Well, he would tell me like, "I see that you're different." He was like, "I can see that." Even friends of mine would say, like, "I see it in your eyes, you're on the up and up."
Lauren: Was there a moment of clarity for you guys? It doesn't have to be the same point, it can be at any point in your togetherness.
Katelyn: Clarity?
Derek: Okay. We said it on the way over here, like, we really can't control as much as we think and it allows us a little more freedom to take risks. Because we're not so emotionally caught up in the outcome that we're trying to control, if we don't control that.
Lauren: And when was that, that clarity, when was that?
Derek: I mean, I'd say-
Lauren: I mean, was it like today you had this moment of clarity?
Derek: No, we've had it a million times and have to be reminded a million times, that is what it is.
Katelyn: I would say, probably, January of this year. Because that was all December, what I was explaining, like sitting in the car, I mean, it was just like a crazy year. And January, like, this whole year has started out, I feel like it's good.
I don't know, it's just, that's all I know how to say it, it's good. And the clarity is being in the moment and realizing that we don't have to hustle and grind and do all this stuff, there is times of that. But clarity is the moment, waking up and having breakfast and just being at the house. Cleaning out the closet is just beautiful, I don't know. And, so, that's the clarity, it's just being in the moment, we don't have to have everything figured out, just be here.
Lauren: Just be there.
Katelyn: Right now.
Lauren: Be, just be. I get it.
Katelyn: It's just moment to moment, like that's the clarity.
Derek: Can I pose a question to you? As Enneagram Three, as a performer, as a very passionate woman who I'm in love with, how do you off the to-do list?
Katelyn: How do I turn off the to-do list?
Derek: Because you didn't used to be that way all the time?
Katelyn: I don't know.
Derek: And I used to be the opposite.
Katelyn: How do I turn off the to-do list? I think just realizing that if I don't get all the 40 things on my list done in one day it's going to be okay. It's the same thing like, "Oh, well, it'll just have to wait."
Lauren: The sun will rise, the sun will set.
Katelyn: It's going to be okay. Like, "Oh, well, if I don't get all 40 things done." Like I used to stay up till midnight, and if I got an idea about something I missed, I'd like, "Hh, I got to get that done before I go to bed." Like it'd be late, late, late and he's like, "No, just go to bed." And I'm like, "I can't."
Lauren: I started out that way, I couldn't leave anything undone.
Katelyn: I'm sure it'll be that for me too.
Lauren: You guys there's so much that goes along with being there for them, that it's like, "Oh my gosh."
Derek: Seems like great revelation there, I'm sure.
Lauren: Oh, my greatest revelations have been after the births of my children. I mean, truly, like this came after the birth of my third child, it was like this real clarity. What is something about your nature that you've either overcome or you continue to overcome?
Derek: You just answered that I guess?
Lauren: Like this incessant need to compete.
Katelyn: I also think affirmation for me. I've always needed affirmation from people.
Lauren: Like love language words of affirmation?
Katelyn: Words of affirmation.
Lauren: Okay.
Katelyn: That's even my love language with him, I love words. And now with everything that we're doing with songs, the music we're about to release, with meetings, with photoshoots with ideas about music videos, I am like, "This is what I want to do and if this person or this person doesn't like it, oh, well."
Lauren: So you're kind of letting go.
Katelyn: They either like us or they won't.
Lauren: Yeah, okay, you are kind of letting go of that.
Katelyn: Yeah, and that has been really hard for me. Because I've always wanted to please people and make sure I'm doing a good job, and hear that, and I'm not saying I'm perfect, I still feel that sometimes. But I'm choosing to not care as much because the reality is people either like what we're doing or they won't, and that's all there is to it.
Lauren: And they're not your people, if they don't like it they're not your people, anyway, it's fine.
Katelyn: Yeah.
Derek: Sure.
Lauren: So I think that's like a big thing in my nature, of how I've always been my whole life that's like way better.
Derek: You're so flexible with me with that stuff, I don't always tell you.
Lauren: It's different that's a committed relationship, where she knows there's trust, and honesty, and non-judgement. And, so, it's easy for her to do that with you. It's harder to... this is someone speaking from experience. It's harder to do it with someone who's going to express judgment toward you. What about you? What's something in your nature you feel like you've overcome.
Derek: I feel like, gosh, what is, so the Enneagram if you've heard of that, I don't want to dive into it.
Lauren: Our season one, episode one person was Ian Morgan Cron, who is the godfather of Enneagram.
Derek: Amazing, I got to listen to that. I got a lot out of his podcast, for sure.
Lauren: I mean, he's great, he's great. Okay, so, tell me your Enneagrams?
Derek: So I'm Enneagram Nine, which is known-
Lauren: I'm married to a Nine.
Derek: Well there you go.
Lauren: I'm married to a Nine.
Derek: ...known as the peacemaker, I suppose. But the one, and I'll make this short, the one thing that stood out to me that was like cringy, which makes me feel like it was truth. Was like, you're so used to seeing other people that you don't see yourself?
Lauren: Yeah.
Derek: And it was really scary.
Katelyn: But it was very true too.
Derek: That I was like, "I can't accept this. " Like, I'm not going to be this way. So I have always held opinions I just maybe have not spoken them out, because I hold respect in a lot of conversations. I don't like interrupting, I don't like to be interrupted. But at the same time I like to be invited into those spaces, much like you've done with us today. And I feel like just knowing that I have those opinions that need to be expressed, especially, in our relationship-
Lauren: And there's value to them is important, what you have to say is important. You have to convince yourself of that.
Derek: I have, yeah, for sure. Now, not as much just because I've had a few years of practice with that. But it's been the best thing for our music, our relationship, and all that.
Lauren: I love that. I absolutely love that. What do you think your purpose is?
Derek: To let people know they're not alone. My first answer was to provide hope in songs and I felt like that is still a bookend answer. But to her point, earlier, we don't need to book-in a song with a happy message at the end. Because we need to sit in the dark with each other sometimes and I feel like that even is true in our own our music.
Katelyn: You hear we keep saying sit in the dark because we love Brené Brown. She said this on her podcast about her little girl, I think, was having like a day where she was just feeling sad about something. And she was in her room sitting in the dark, and Brené was like, "I just want to walk in and flip the light on and tell her, 'Let's go get ice cream.' And do this to make her feel better."
She, actually, sat in the room in the dark with her and kept staring at the light switch saying, "Don't turn on the light, don't turn on the light." And, so, that's why we keep saying that, because that just stood out to us so much last year.
But our purpose is to let people know that they're not alone. And I think our purpose is to bring, how do I say this, when people come to our shows because we want to tour, we wanted to have a family on the road and touring.
Our purpose is to make people feel like they're at home when they're with us. And I think because when you're at our house, literally, our house with us, people, I want them to feel they can be themselves, and they feel loved no matter how we believe differently or whatever. I think that's our purpose is to make people feel at home, if that makes sense.
Derek: Like they have a seat at the table.
Katelyn: Yes, I want everybody to have a seat at the table in our house.
Lauren: And then when did you realize that, that was, "Hey, this is what we are here to do?"
Derek: I honestly, I would say after last year.
Katelyn: Well, I would say back to when we first released music. Because, well, we've always said that about our shows and that's our purpose. And you've always said the hope, but I think it's even more clear now that purpose. Like we've always said these things, but I think it's even more like we really see it now.
Derek: If you've created and released songs that hit home with people.
Lauren: Well, then that's the confirmation that you've, actually, done right, when it starts to come back to you. And you're like, "Oh, you just feel it like this is right, this is right." And I do feel like that happens to anybody who chooses to step out whether it's in faith or in a pursuit of purpose.
There is a point for all of us where we stand up and go, "I've been doing this the whole time, I just never put it together." And you are like the pinball in the pinball machine, but the path of the pinball was just beautifully divine.
And then it gets you to the point where you're supposed to be and you're like this. It's like this moment of awareness like the purpose pre-existed, but it's the awareness, I feel like, really sends you forth with way more gumption and power. Because it's just kind of, it's harnessed. Do you feel that in your own music? Like where you've been able to say, "We're really harnessing this now?"
Katelyn: Oh, yes,
Derek: Yeah, it comes out in the writing room a lot, just because I mean, I feel like we write with some of our best friends and I mean, that, literally, is like, therapy. Whether it's around a bonfire and there's something about a bonfire that comes to mind, like image wise-
Katelyn: Oh, yes, we love a bonfire.
Derek: ...that's church in a way, "Leave it at the bonfire." That's a good song title.
Katelyn: I know, I do. Because we first, back when we moved here, we would write songs and we liked this sound and that sound and this. But now I feel like we really have it honed in what our lane is and what we want to say.
Lauren: Well, how would you describe your lane? How would you describe your own work?
Derek: Stuff we've been through. I know, that's such a bookend answer, but it really is.
Lauren: Lived experience?
Derek: Stuff we have to live through and I find that honors the people who relate to that. It honors my wife who's lived through a lot of hell myself included, and it just feels like an inclusive way to make something beautiful that carries weight. And if we've lived through those things, we carry authority in that and so we can speak into it. So there's a purity in that because that's what holds the most power.
Lauren: Simply authentic I'd say, certainly.
Derek: Thank you.
Katelyn: I would say like, authentic, like Jesus-loving, country.
Derek: Beers and Hallelujahs.
Katelyn: Ain't afraid to drink a beer, ain't afraid to smoke a cigar, might say a cuss word every now and then, but we love Jesus. That's it. And we love people.
Lauren: Before we end this I just want to get excited with you about what's happening with all your stuff on CMT. Like you just released "Dolly Would" at the end of 2021. I mean, like what a fun anthem and it is just doing so well on CMT.
The Dryes: ♪ Must be on to something real
♪ If I write what people feel
♪ But it contradicts the way they thought I’d look
♪ Call me trashy, call me cheap
♪ With my heart out on my sleeve
♪ Oh I’m just gonna do what Dolly would
Katelyn: I love Dolly Parton. Oh, my gosh, I want us to be friends and I feel like we will one day, Dolly, if you're listening. But that song really was kind of, like a place at the table. We invited our friends who are of all walks to be in the video. We had extras that we didn't know that well, but most of the ones we invited were from all different... we have our church friends there. Our friends who don't even go to church and I loved it because that's how we think of Dolly.
So anyways, that song came out it was point number one on CMT, the 12-pack for like six weeks in a row. And then our, "Video House on Fire" is on right now. It's every day that's playing on CMT music in the rotation and then it's up for voting every week, and you can vote as much as you want every day. And this past Friday it was the first week it was on.
Lauren: Vote as often.
Katelyn: All the time. But this last week it was number seven in the top 12 and there's like 80 something videos to vote through. And, so, we'll see tonight if it's any closer to number one, I don't know.
Derek: It's tonight.
Katelyn: Hopefully. But CMT has been really awesome supporting us and through our first releases, they've just been great and, so, we love CMT.
Lauren: When I talk to you guys, I do get the sense of like, yes, you have goals, yes, you have dreams, yes, you have things that you really want to do. But I also get this feeling that you've kind of, almost thrown your hands up in this just beautiful acceptance of, "Hey, whatever the path is going to be, is what it's going to be." Do you feel that way or is that just how I perceived it?
Derek: That's every day for us. So we make plans every day and they always get shifted around either because of life events or because there's another idea that comes up. It's not chaotic, I hope it doesn't sound that way, but it definitely sounds led, it feels led, and a type of discernment for us. That feels like we just trust each other enough to be poke holes in each other's stories and make it better.
Katelyn: It's hard for me because I am such a goal-oriented person, I've always been. But I am at a place of hands, I say all the time, it's weird that you would even see that or say that. Because I always say, "I just want to be open-handed, open-handed." I've said that so much lately-
Derek: Well, it's freeing in away.
Katelyn: But I still have these things that I want to reach, like I told you a moment ago we'd love to play the Opry that's like a dream for his grandparents to be there and my family.
Lauren: Oh, my God, how sweet would that be.
Katelyn: Because they just, all, supported us so much. And we would love to win a Grammy, that's a huge, that'd be so amazing to even just go as artists that are invited, like that those kinds of things. And so we have those on our list, but I realized that it's not going to be me hustling and grinding to get there.
Derek: Yeah, totally.
Katelyn: It just not going to come from that. So I do have to be open-handed and just do the best with what we have, and release the songs that we feel are us and true to who we are, and hopefully that'll happen. But we don't have control over it, I wish we did.
Lauren: We're each here to learn different lessons, I think. And what's really interesting to me about you guys is like you have the lessons you have to learn, you have the lessons you have to learn. But you've been intertwined, you know what I mean? Everything about your purpose has been intertwined together.
So you're here for her, you're here for him, and you're going to do it together, and that's what's so beautiful to me about it. Because, for you, purpose is not a singular experience, it is this duo and it's just so beautiful. So, you guys, thank you so much for doing this with me.
Derek: Absolutely, we always feel honored around you but-
Katelyn: We love you.
Derek: ...it's great to dig deep a little bit.
Katelyn: Yes, we love you, we support anything you do. So anything you ask us, we'll be like, "Sure, we'll be there." I love it.
Lauren: Great, we'll do it again sometime.
Katelyn: Yes.
Derek: Please.
Katelyn: Thank you.
<Outro>
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